Tuesday, January 16, 2018

"They were eaten by the Crotch Monsters in the library."

So, the last 1.5 hours of my life were nothing but pure panic mode.
Remember when I told you that SchmuckDad was lying about having to spend an extra day somewhere and that the result was us having to Uber the Unicorn home from school today?
F
U
C
K
First, my lack of familiarity with the Uber app hung me up a bit, but I got it figured out. Turns out I had to add the Unicorn as a second person on the account and tell Uber that the ride was for her, and only then would it let me send the car to her school, and then to my place.
Then I watched on the little map as the first driver got completely fucking lost, driving all over hell and back, for 10 long minutes before I gave up on him and canceled the ride. This whole time I was trying to contact him, but Uber wouldn't recognize my phone number. I was completely confused.
So, while the second driver was on his way, I finally figured out that I actually had to enter the Unicorn's phone number as the contact before Uber would let me call out to the driver. Somehow the text message ability was still broken, but it would let me call. I called twice. I got voicemail twice. He was RIGHT FUCKING THERE, but he went to the fucking Elementary School instead of the Middle School, and since he wouldn't pick up his damn phone, I ended up canceling that one too.
The third driver...  
Well, the third driver was a dream come true. Third time's the charm, I guess. This guy not only went to the right address/school the very first time without getting even the tiniest bit lost, but he stayed on a 3-way call with me and the Unicorn until we were all sure that she was safely in the car.
He got her home in less than 15 minutes.
What a rock star!
We're all breathing a little easier now. So, there was that adventure today.
--
Something else really funny happened on our adventure last night too. I really want to tell you about it.
Okay, it didn't start off funny, but it got there in the middle.
The Unicorn had forgotten that there was swimming at School today and she didn't pack her swimsuit. So, we were driving all the way out to SchmuckDad's to pick up said swimsuit when about halfway there Bran asked her if we could just have written a note to excuse her from swimming today. Naturally we could have, but none of us thought of that before we were already halfway to SchmuckDad's, so it seemed pointless to ruin school and waste a trip by turning right back around.
Anyway, so, I also told the Unicorn to grab extra underwear too because she only has one pair of spare undies at my house. And she was so sure that she had more with me because SchmuckDad keeps telling her that she's missing some.
The next words that came out of my mouth were the stuff of legends:
"They were eaten by the Crotch Monsters in the library."
The ricochet of confusion and laughter was pretty intense. The Unicorn was especially confused, because, come on, Crotch Monsters in the library? What the hell kind of sense does that even make?!!?!??!
I meant to say LAUNDRY!!
I swear...
… some days I get too loopy even for me.
Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:
- Therapy – My session was really good today. No work was done, but no work was really needed. It was pretty much 'this is my update from last week, and this is how I feel about things'. Valkyrie pretty much nodded, asked probing questions, and agreed that I'm a rock star when it comes to life skills and my mental health management.
We started with all the drama of KNOWING that SchmuckDad lied his ass off about why he was going to be gone an extra night, and how that was going to fuck up our session by cutting it in half so I could try to sort out this whole Uber mess. By the time my session was over and Valkyrie seriously needed to get going (I'm her last session of the day), I was still fucking around with the Unicorn's second ride.
But, back to the session!
So, we started with SchmuckDad and his drama/lies.
Then I told her all about the Blue Falcon and those euphemistic cuddles on Movie Night. Valkyrie is fucking happy as hell that the Blue Falcon is still my Favorite Sweetie and that we now have confirmation that he never lost any feeling/interest for/in me, he was just backing way the hell off so that Bran and I had time to bond. Because he's awesome like that.
We ended with me telling her more about my unhealthy fixation and my explaining why I know it's unhealthy. Which she agreed 100% with. Then I explained that my mind always fixates on something/someone. This is my normal. The fixations are always temporary and I always move on. So, even though I'm fixating, I know this is something I should not pursue. I don't intend to pursue it.  
I'm just going to let my little brain spin on this one until it's done and then I'm going to let it the fuck go.
Problem solved.
The point is, even with that little twinge of unhealthy, Valkyrie and I both know that I'm totally fine. I'm sane, I'm on top of shit. I'm good.  
I hope next week is a lot less stressful, though. I wouldn't mind getting a little deeper on the topics we only grazed today.
- Writing – Nothing new to report.
- Reading - Nothing new to report.
- Yarn Therapy – I actually got a little ways into that second side of buttonholes. I still have two holes to go, but that was all the time I had for this morning before things got complicated.
I'm probably too mentally wiped out to do any more knitting today... I'm not sure what tomorrow morning will look like in terms of time, but I'll try to get them finished.
- Sleep / Fitbit – 8 hours 9 minutes, 3x awake, 31x restless, 68 minutes awake/restless - the readings are surprisingly clean today considering I forgot to fake out the Fitbit with a bogus sleep report last night before actually going to bed. I also forgot to let it know when I actually got out of bed for real this morning, but it looks like it figured it out all on its own. So, for once the damn thing wasn't all derpy.
Go Fitbit.
- Fur-babies – The Unicorn is cuddling with Dreamy down at the end of my bed right now. He's licking her with his tougher than sand paper tongue. It's super cute.
Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:
There was something else I know I forgot to mention about my health in yesterday's entry, but for the life of me now I can't remember what the hell that thing was.
Hopefully, it will come to me at some point.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran – The tension over all this driving around of the Unicorn seems to have eased up a bit.  
I had gotten home from my appointment with Valkyrie when I was still on the phone with the Unicorn trying to work out that third ride. Bran checked on me and saw how stressed I was. I'm pretty sure he was just as relieved as I was (if not more) when I reported back that she was finally in a car headed home. He told me that he was about to contact his supervisor and take an hour off for a family emergency to go get her.
But she's home and he's shared his Reese's with us both... that's Bran for "I love you".  
I'm pretty sure we're good.
If he gets tense with me or the Unicorn again, I will remind him that none of this would be happening if SchmuckDad hadn't lied. All of Bran's aggression should be directed at SchmuckDad, not at the Unicorn or me.
- The Unicorn – She's finally warmed up. We're watching Supernatural.  
--
OMG, it's like 3 hours later. I had to stop typing and pay attention while we switched back to watching Fate (our latest anime). Then she needed help with her homework – which, I'll be honest, I have a fucking blast helping her with. We laugh our asses off. - but anyway – it's been like, a WHILE and we're only just getting back to Supernatural, where I can finish my entry.
She goes to bed in an hour, but then I'll have Bran distracting me.
Also, I had to make her dinner.
Anyway, she says she NEVER laughs that much with her dad while she's doing homework... I'm appalled by how much of a total dick he is. Especially to his own child.  
I’m totally scatter brained right now... if I had any profound words regarding my daughter when I started this entry, they're totally gone now.
Relationships / Sweeties:
- Updates on Favorites -  
- Blue Falcon – Still on cloud nine here... OMG, that was some serious jumpage.
- Sweeties -
Nothing new to report.
 - AmbiguSweeties -
 - Pathfinder – He got his new assignment, so he knows where he's going to be stationed next. It's not close, so I don't know if that's good or bad. I should probably find out pretty soon here.
Relationships / Just Friends:
Nothing new to report.
End Notes:  

Oh my fucking Gods, I just need to get on with posting this bitch!

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