It's a process.

I had to skip Coffee and Contemplation this morning.

Normally, if Bran is still asleep I grab November (the Chromebook) and the Bluetooth headphones. Then I can watch a show without waking him. But, this morning I also had to make the adjustments on my knitting pattern. I'm taking the right leg pattern and reversing it to the left leg for the button holes.  

It's a process.

Anyway, doing that would have left me with Victor (my laptop), November, and my knitting all spread out over the bed next to a sleeping Bran.

Nope.

Too much.

So I skipped the show, but I still got my morning Yarn Therapy in.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Therapy – My fixation fantasies have been taking two different tracks since yesterday.

On one track, I remain true to my better judgment and I never confess my crush. However, I'm still able to get close enough to my crush that I can justify platonic naked cuddles. My crush needs physical contact and the skin-on-skin would elevate the dopamine levels. Thus killing the depression harder and longer to extend the periods of emotional stability.  

See, totally justifiable.  

Naked cuddles would satisfy my crushes need for touch as well as my need to be the one doing the touching.

On the other track, I have this moment of weakness where I confess my crush.

That fantasy becomes unviable pretty quickly after that. A lot of manipulation and justification for the reasons why we should be allowed to be together. Promises that we won't go down the same path that I've gone down with the beautiful, broken things in the past.

Pure Cassandra Complex.

I see the danger, but I’m powerless to stop it.

*sigh*

If I ever get close to my crush, I hope I'm strong enough to stick to my resolve. I hope I can get just close enough without getting too close.

But, deep down I know it's probably a lot safer for everyone if I just never get close to my crush at all.

The fantasies are nice, though.

- Writing – Nothing new to report.

- Reading - Nothing new to report.

- Yarn Therapy – I need to knit two rows as a lead in to where I'll place the buttonholes. I got one row in this morning.

- Sleep / Fitbit – The Fitbit battery didn't survive the night. So, no readings today.

- Fur-babies – Catmom called last night to tell me that Dreamy had decided to take his nap at home. That was very thoughtful of her. :) - I'm sure I'll see him again soon.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Weight Management – My weight is still hovering on the high end of where I don't want it to be. My doctor has increased the dose on one of my appetite suppressants and given me a referral to Water Therapy. We both hope that I can safely get that exercise in the water without triggering my inflammation. I'll keep you posted.

- Other Health – There was a mild concern that I had some abnormal cells on a pap smear, but I had a test done last week and I'm 100% clear of anything nasty. Also, my sex life is really stable, so there aren't going to be any threats that would challenge my cervical health in the near future that I can see.

I'm good with that.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – There's really not a whole lot of update here. He ran and got my meds from the pharmacy when he was done with work last night, because he loves me and he doesn't mind running errands like that for me. I was all dressed and ready to go with him, but he told me to just stay put.

He came home with a small sack of yummy potato wedges from the deli and we shared them while we watched a movie.

I did my knitting, he did his thing, he got sleepy, I closed up shop too, we went to bed.  

There were cuddles.

This is our life now.

It's just a perfect kind of zero drama, deep love. Some nights it's not super off the rails exciting, but we enjoy each other's company a very great deal. We don't like to be apart.

I like it that way.

- The Unicorn – Her school sends me daily emails that highlight what she's learning in school and attaches any homework assignments she might need.

They're fucking teaching her budgets and credit.

BUDGETS AND CREDIT!!

Where the hell was this class when I was in the 8th grade??!!

I fucking love her school!

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – I forgot to mention something yesterday... but it's okay. The bigger mention is coming up. :)

- Sweeties -

Nothing new to report.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

 - Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

I'm getting my physical today... not sure what that's going to reveal. There's not a lot that I need working on that's not already being addressed... but, sure... I'll keep you posted.