Situational Depression, FTW:

There's just so much that feels wrong right now. It's hard to even focus on the few things that are right.

I’m depressed and lonely. I can barely concentrate.

I just don't even want to be here right now.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Right now over half my time is being devoted to gaming. Part of me wants to feel guilty about that, but then I remember that game therapy is still therapy and this particular game therapy is keeping me distracted from all the stray penis out there.

Still… I don't think I have much longer.

The hunger inside me is writhing.

I'll probably be fleshing out my OKC profile again sometime this coming week.

*sigh*

It's just a matter of regaining some emotional strength somehow.

Just, some way that I can tolerate the one timers so I can try to find a few more sweeties that will stick.

Dammit… I hate this potential sweetie screening process so much right now.

 - Writing - So, I wrote that totally trope kiss in the rain, and now I'm struggling to write an effective sequel for that scene. I'm sure it will come together eventually. But, I really am struggling with it. Staying under word count is a challenge too. I need to leave enough space for certain things to happen in this story before I move on to the second act…

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I was very disappointed when I checked my mail yesterday and discovered that my new Fitbit bands still had not arrived. So, then I went back to the Fitbit site and looked for ways to track my order. I soon discovered that I should have received a confirmation email… so, I checked. No email.

So, I chatted.

The rep I spoke to found my order but saw that it drafted but never processed. Then, because I'd had troubles, and I'd mentioned that my old band broke on me. He decided that expired warranty or not, I'd had PROBLEMS. So, he arranged for TWO bands, for FREE, with expedited shipping, also FREE.

I should have my new bands by Tuesday or Wednesday.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 129. Not optimal. But not horrible either.

 - Exercise/Yoga - I’m planning on two 5 minute sessions today.

 - Weight Management - I've been getting by only eating twice a day lately…

I'm ashamed to say part of the reason for that is the gaming too. Sometimes I'm doing group events and I can't just walk away, no matter how hungry I might be.

Seems as if the gaming might be helping me with calorie control.  :)

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Today is his last day to clear everything out of his residence. I think he's sleeping in a motel tonight. He DOES have a house lined up. It's a bit out of range and it means a longer commute, but overall it's a better space for him to be living in.

Yes… he's still going to be with _her_.

I am a hundred shades of NOT HAPPY about this.

They both still get to play happy family, and I'm back here all alone and miserable.

Yes, I know neither of them are happy and they both hate things the way they are, but they're together. She has him and I don't. She's convinced that she won him away from me and doesn't even know that he and I are still together.

*sigh*

The one good thing is that Bran often catches himself in syntax. He still refers to them as an 'us' but he catches it because he knows how much it bothers me. He's explained that he means it in the terms of 'a collective', but he knows that I hear it in the terms of 'a relationship'. So, he catches it and he corrects it before I can get too hurt by it.

So, that's something, at least.

 - The Unicorn - I think my neighbors beat their kids. Or at the very least they shout at them a lot. It's very disturbing to hear the crying of a child and the anger of an adult who isn't trying to soothe that child. It makes me miss my daughter and wish there were some way I could comfort her. Even if there's nothing she needs comforting for…

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - You might start seeing reports here again… I'm not sure.

It's all about my emotional warewithall. If I can regain some emotional strength, then I might be able to handle some one-night action. I’m not sure.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I need to ping him today… figure out if he's coming over tomorrow or not.  :)  THAT would make me feel SO MUCH BETTER!!

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- I’m removing him from this section after today. I just can't take this anymore.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I did a little virtual crying on Jasper's shoulder yesterday, over Friday. He expressed his sorrow over my situation and told me he'd do anything to help if he could.

It's okay. I know there's nothing Jasper could do.

It's just that he was the one who taught me the difference in being held down by someone who means it…

*sigh*

I'm so tired of being sexually frustrated like this.

End Notes:

I just want to give up and cry.

I don't even know if I can pull out the writing today.

*sigh again*

I hope I can…

I really hope I can…

A week? Maybe?

So, it's been a week since I've heard from Friday, and I really don't know what to think about that. Truth is, I don't really know what's going on in his life that might have caused this break in communication. It could be anything.

It's red flags, to be sure, yes. There have been catfish in the past that have done this to me. *sigh* whatever.

My problem isn't Friday himself.

It's what he promised me.

Friday was my way out. He was an end to my sexual frustrations. That was his value to me.

I know how shallow that sounds, but hear me out.

It wasn't until Jasper that I even found out about this sexual need of mine. Jasper was the one who taught me what was missing. What's been missing, and Friday was the one who promised to deliver on that missing element.

And now Friday appears to be gone before he ever happened.

For all I know, he never was that person he promised to be anyway. Maybe he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. There's no real way of knowing for sure.

So, what do I do now?

Do I refresh my profiles on the dating sites and resume my search?

Do I start wading through the veritable sea of one-night-stand dicks trying to find that one guy who can be what I need?

It seems like such an impossible order to fill.

I’m so disheartened right now.

I just feel like giving up.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - In my work/life balance I now spend over half my time gaming… not sure if that's a good thing or not.

 - Writing - So, I got that rain kiss scene written and mapped out. Only now I have to make sure to write an effective sequel that's going to mesh with the rest of what's already thrown down. This is going to be tough. Wedging these scene/sequel's in mid-story like this?

I'm hoping this will work out.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I woke up before the alarm this morning and realized that when I threw away my old Fitbit band, I forgot to pull off the fastener. WOOPS! - thankfully it was still in the bottom of my bedroom garbage, so I was able to pull it out and extract it.

That being said, without the band to affix the Fitbit to my wrist, it’s still logging my game time as sleep time… *sigh* let's hope the shipping package is small enough to fit in my mail box because my postal carrier is an ASSHOLE. He doesn't deliver to the door or anything. He's a lazy fuck who just leaves sit OUTSIDE where anyone can steal it.

Fucker.

 - Fur-babies - Got visits yesterday, but no one requested snuggles, so no actual cat therapy time.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - On #3 now, and I’m comfortable stopping there.

 - Blood Sugar - 131 this morning, which I think was due to the toast with strawberry jelly I had right before bed last night. Woops…

 - Exercise/Yoga - I'm done being wiped out and crampy, so it's time to start this back up again.

 - Weight Management - I haven't been eating a whole lot lately. This is probably a very good thing.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I got to talk to him a little bit this morning. He's in the process of putting all his belongings in storage and planning on sleeping in his truck out at a truck stop until some sort of housing is worked out for himself.

Funny thing is, he actually has zero idea what _she_ plans to do with the puppy or the kids. Our best guesses are that she's going to go hide out with her parents, but he honestly has no clue.

He's so fed up with her right now. Her and the abominations. Which is good to hear.

It's also good to hear the tones of absolute regret in his voice when he talks about his situation up north.

I'm also glad that I've forgiven him to the point where I'm really giving him something to come back to. I know he appreciates that. I know how much we miss each other too.

I do hope things work out for him and that he's able to come home soon.

--

Bran and I have also talked about my disappointment regarding Friday, as well as my sexual frustration. He had no advice for me either way.

I think what I want to do is wait until Bran comes home. I think once I get some emotional and mental repair in, I'll be in a better place to try dating and finding that sexual fulfillment again.

Right now I'm just too damaged to go looking. It will only do more harm than good if I get stuck with a bunch of one-night-stands again.

But, if Bran can come home and heal my heart… then I can take all the stray penisi as I seek out the one who can take care of my sexual needs.

--

I know what you're thinking.

If Bran's back, then why isn't he the one taking care of those needs?

Answer: different needs.

Bran is great and I wouldn't trade him for anyone.

But, he's just not as aggressive as I need a lover to be.

He can get a little rough with me, and he can hold me down because he knows I’m into that, but he doesn't mean it.

Jasper was the first one who meant it, and I tell you, it was a whole different experience with Jasper.

It was just a taste. But, a taste was plenty to let me know that I really need to be with someone who can hold me down because that's HIS natural inclination.

I need someone who's into the rape play.

I need someone gentle, sweet, and goofy enough to get past my defenses. But, also someone who can just pin me down and fuck me raw once he's made it through my walls.

Friday said he could be that, but now Friday appears to be gone.

Bran can't be that. It's just not who he is.

So, I'll have to find someone, eventually.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I probably get to see him again on Monday. I think I’m going to tell him that I love him.

He's so special to me right now.

Hopefully there will be a movie and my white chocolate popcorn, followed by some naked snuggles and some sex.  :)

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- We're counting down now.

I'm giving it one more week before I give up on him completely.

Then we'll see if I want to reboot my dating profiles or not.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I really miss talking with Friday.

I miss the way he made me feel both horny and hopeful.

I'm not willing to write him off completely, yet. But, I'm close.

When to walk away?

Friday is really beginning to concern me.

I've not heard from him since last Saturday, and yet OKC will show me when he's been online. I'm really starting to worry that I've been cat fished again. He did seem awfully perfect for my needs and he hasn't taken our conversation off OKC no matter how many times I've asked/begged him to.

*sigh*

I would have been comfortable giving up on men because it sounded like Bran was coming home and like Friday would have been perfect for me. But, now it appears that neither of those things are true anymore.

So, what now?

I get really bored and lonely at night.

I just don't want to be a one night stand anymore.

But, I would love some company.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - My phone has finally been turned back on. So, I'll be able to see Valkyrie and Bubbles next week if Bubbles has an opening. I should be making that appointment today.

I’m starting to get a little bored with the game therapy. A lot of it is grinding right now, so I might look into ways to game a little more or differently to keep it interesting.

 - Writing - I wrote that seriously trope kiss in the rain scene yesterday. My one worry is that it's not 'foreshadowing' Jessa trusting Daniel, but more that it's going to make the actual sex scene repetitive. *grump* I guess I'll have to rely on crit feedback on that one.

Other than that, I think the scene played out well. I'm also a bit worried that Jessa's comfort level was out of character for her, but I think I can rely on crit feedback for that too. The scene may or may not be working. I guess we'll have to see.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Hopefully I get my replacement bands today and game time will no longer be recorded as sleep time!

 - Fur-babies - Visit's from both Dreamy and Splotches yesterday. Both got cuddles too. I love Dreamy so much and he just loves me right back. I just love it when he relaxes in my arms.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 123 today, so that's much better. Way more stable in the normal'ish range, so I’m happy about that.

 - INR - Expect an update…

 - Nervous System -  … next week.

 - Inflammation - It feels like I’m carrying a ton of tension in my shoulders, but I know I'm not. I know it's the inflammation. *sigh* I think I should raise the dose of my anti-inflammatory supplement for a bit. Just to see if I can get it to go down.

 - Exercise/Yoga - This, I will get back to tomorrow. Then I will be done bleeding and hopefully there will be no more fatigue or cramping. Jeez… fucking hate my blood moon.

 - Weight Management - I actually only ate twice yesterday. My standard breakfast of a cheesy, scrambled egg sandwich and then a dinner of one serving of chicken and dumplings.

Granted I also ate one and a half king size candy bars too.  :/

I was in that blood moon *MUST HAVE CHOCOLATE* phase.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Every day it starts to sound more and more like he's going to have to leverage her and the kids to secure a place to live.

Fuck.

I hate her so much.

I hate this so much.

I just wish he'd come home and be done with her already.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - It was so lovely to see him yesterday, and it was on the very tip of my tongue to tell him that I love him, but I held back for some reason.

He wasn't up for hanging out because he'd just given blood and he was wiped. He desperately needed to just go home and go to bed, but he was there for me.

I got my hair cut. It's a bit shorter in back than I prefer, but it's fine. It will grow out. It's a bit longer on top than I like, but it's fine, I can get it trimmed once the back is where I want it.

It will all work out eventually.

The Blue Falcon also swung me over for a quick trip to the grocery store. (hence chocolate).

LOL, the best part though? We discussed the Unicorn getting her period, as well as me experiencing a painful cramp when I was right next to him. The idea of blood didn't even phase him one little bit. All he said was: "I've heard sex can help with that, and I just gave blood, so I'm not at my best, but I'm willing to take one for the team."

To which I replied: "Correction, orgasms help with cramps."

"Oh, well you're fucked then."

We both laugh.

He also told me that he didn't pick up on any manipulation from JerkDad when we went out, but he DID sense a little autism there! Interesting!

It would be very interesting to find out if JerkDad himself isn't as perfect as he claims to be.

Anyway, the Blue Falcon got me home safely and I went back to grinding on my video games.

We're probably going to see each other again on Monday.

I think that should be a popcorn and movie date.  :)

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

--  Friday  -- I keep checking and rechecking. Waiting and hoping for a message from him, and nothing.

So, how long do I hold out on this one?

When is the right time to give up, call him a cat fish and walk away?

When do I realize that he was too perfect and that should have been my first, and biggest, red flag of all?

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

And if I do walk away from Friday… do I resume my search?

Do I keep trying to find that one guy who can pin me the hell down and fuck me so hard I forget how to spell my own name? Do I keep trying to find the one guy who can give me the thing that Jasper only gave me a taste of?

Is that guy even out there?

He must be, right?

*sigh*

Speed Mornings:

I progress through my mornings a lot faster since my decision to give up dating. Since I'm not wasting any time responding to messages from stray penisi It's pretty much just the one email to my pen pal and then this entry and then I'm getting to work.

I’m liking this.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Ran into a bit of a snag with the story yesterday, so I ended up taking Bran's advice and shutting it down to game until something came to me. It did come to me and I noted it. So, hopefully I'll be writing the scenes today that will solve the problem.

Game Therapy itself started at 12:30 PM and went to about 11:30 PM. Meaning I logged about 11 hours, and that's a record. In my datum, Mental Health now occupies about half my time. All of that is pretty much 'game therapy'.

I don't question the validity of it, though. I know how much it's helping me. It's a good transition to get me out of dating and ready for Bran to come home.

 - Writing - Right, so that snag.

I had written that my two main characters were going to cross paths again during the day before they gamed again that night, and then I wrote that my girl went home and went to sleep to confront her dreams. WOOPS! So, now I need to go back and write another game night and then possibly work in my totally trope kiss in the rain before moving forward.

I don't think I’m going to spend too much time on the game night itself. It would put in too many words that I can't spare right now. The kiss is what's important so, that's where my focus should be.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Once again, game time was logged as sleep time because my sensor is on my leg. My legs barely move when I'm working or gaming. So, I have nothing for you.

 - Fur-babies - Both dropped by, but it was during 'team time' in the gaming world, so neither got cuddles because my lap was occupied.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today.

 - Blood Sugar - 130, which is still better than yesterday but still with no explanation on why it's higher than normal range. Hmmm…

 - Exercise/Yoga - On hold until Saturday when I’m done bleeding and being all crampy.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Bestie got to see him yesterday. She was up north for personal reasons for a bit. So, it was nice to get some Snaps from the both of them.

I’m still worried about this housing issue of his because he's like 3 days away from being homeless and he still hasn't figured out what he's going to do yet.

I know he's not coming home.

I hope he's separating himself from _her_ finally and that this might be his best exit strategy. Even though he's told me that he doesn't really need it. The elder abomination has already given him his out, so there's that.

I know he'll work something out.

But, I'm still worried.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I get to see him tonight. He's taking me to get my hair cut, which is long overdue. Hopefully we'll have some time after for me to inflict a movie on him. I’m not sure if sex will come into play or not because I’m still bleeding. We'll just have to see.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

--  Friday  -- I sent him a bit of a dark message yesterday. He's starting to push my catfish buttons and I let him know that. There's been no response, but I've not seen any indication of him being online lately either.

*sigh* I don't know…

I’m considering walking away on this one.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

And that's it… pretty quick update today. I'm mostly anxious to get back to the story to see if I can fix it at all.

Wish me luck.  :)

... and all my worries...

So, it's blood all around.

I got the text from JerkDad yesterday.

The Unicorn has experienced her first blood moon.

And I just got mine a day early. So, it would seem that she and I are already synced up even though she barely even spends any time around me.

I'm hoping the best for her. I know how much she was not looking forward to this. I don't know if it was just the raw embarrassment of a biological thing even loosely sex related, or whatever. But, she did NOT want to talk or even think about the blood moon happening to her. And now it's hit and I wasn't there to get her through it.

That was all on JerkDad.

I wonder how he did…

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - No Valkyrie or Bubbles yesterday due to the whole 'no phone' thing, but Valkyrie and I got a chance to talk anyway. I told her about my advancement within my guild and she's really proud of me. We both agree that gaming is a much healthier outlet than boys for me right now. And that might change, we never know. I do still get lonely and I crave conversation. But, I still have a vivid imagination and I have a lot of good talks in my head, so at least that's something.

She's anxious to see my fresh rewrites on Act One as well. She doesn't mind re-reading everything from the beginning again. And that's awesome. She loves my work! It's great that she and I have such a strong relationship that I can really count on her as an effective beta reader.

I miss actually going to see her though and I know she's getting cranky without me. She needs me as much as I need her. Which is its own special flavor of awesome too.

 - Writing - What was chapters 1-6 is now chapters 1-8. I feel that I've been successful in chopping the chapters that needed to be chopped. IN HALF, not chopped dead. Also, and I can't remember if I've mentioned this or not, I've decided that I’m going to work in some really trope kiss in the rain. It's going to be super romantic but then it's still going to end in an epic fail for our hero.

Valkyrie loves the idea. She says it should add another layer to the already well layered plot.

I really love the way this is starting to unfold.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - The readings are whacked because the old band on my Fitbit finally snapped yesterday. I tucked the sensor into the pocket of my yoga pants, but it seems to have calculated my game time as sleep time, again. So, no accurate readings today.

New bands have been ordered. I should have them some time this week.

 - Fur-babies - Both kitties visited yesterday, but stayed for less than a minute. Hopefully the come to stay longer today  because it's raining.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should have no trouble keeping it to 3 cups of coffee today.

 - Blood Sugar - 143 this morning. And zero clue as to why it would be that high!!

 - INR - Still no…

 - Nervous System - … phone.

 - Inflammation - Same story as always. I mitigate the damage as much as I can. But it will be better when Bran get's back and I can eat healthier again.

 - Exercise/Yoga - On hold until Saturday, probably. - No exercise during cramps. Just, no.

 - Weight Management - Same story as inflammation.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I’m really worried about him. He's stuck in a terrible spot, about to be homeless in the great north. And he's still with her… they're about to be homeless together. Ugh…

Just UGH!

 - The Unicorn - I’m worried about her too. It's going to be about a week and a half before I see her again and I don't even know if I should ask her about her period or not.

The 'good mom' says yes. Talk to her about it. Try to soothe her and comfort her. But, the other 'good mom' says drop it. If she wants to talk about it, she'll bring it up.

*sigh*

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- I haven't heard from him in days, yet I always see him online on OKC. It's starting to really frustrate and worry me. Part of that is my own insecurities. Part of it is my extreme desire to get off OKC for good and how much I hate the fact that my departure is being delayed by him. The longer he waits to move our conversation to email or text, the more I have to put up with the stray penises.

*sigh*

Plus, I just want to hear from him.

I want to feel that connection. I want to know he's there. I want the reassurance of our first meeting.

Fuck me…

What if I'm being cat fished again?

Gods, that would suck.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Had a brief text exchange with him recently. He's considering giving up the ghost and going home. I don't blame him. His job up here was a catfish and nothing else seems to be working out. Every day he spends away from HLS, he's in his own personal hell.

It's time.

He should go back.

And I love him enough to let him go.

I’m sure we'll always be friends, though.

End Notes:

So, I’m worried about all my loved ones today.

I just hope everyone is going to be okay.

I just want him back...

This whole 'no phone' thing is really starting to aggravate me.

I don't want to go into details, but I'm about to lose a lot if this doesn't get fixed. I keep trying to get help and no help is coming. I’m so…

… dammit, I just wish Bran were home.

None of this would be a problem if he were home.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I'm going to miss both Valkyrie and Bubbles today because of the whole, no-phone thing. This is more than upsetting. Bubbles is medication management. We were supposed to discuss my sleep meds.

*sigh*

In other news, the Guild has made me a Corps leader!

YEAH!

It's not much, but it means that if I see anyone without a guild I can invite them to join ours.  :)  It's a legit position of power within the Guild! They made me a Corps leader in recognition for how hard I work for them.

That's totally bad ass.  :)

 - Writing - Another chapter chopped in half… Hopefully soon we'll get close to the end of Act 1 where I can see if I've left myself enough space to add in the scenes that I need to added.

I've decided I'm going to throw in a totally trope 'kiss in the rain'… LOL… it just needs to happen. 

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours, 52 minutes, 3x awake, 13x restless, total of 31 minutes awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - Visits from both yesterday. Dreamy mostly held down the floor while Splotches requested some cuddles but not much before he decided to hold down the floor on the other side of the room.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 122 (two points above normal goal range)

 - Exercise/Yoga - Managed to throw down one 5-minute session yesterday.

 - Weight Management - I've noticed I don't eat a whole lot. Hopefully that's helping.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We're both really feeling the separation now.

I mean, not like we didn't feel the separation before, but we're both going through things that are highly stressful at the moment and we both agree that it would be less stressful if he were home, working and we were sharing funds and splitting costs between us.

*sigh*

This just needs to be over.

 - The Unicorn - I’m surprised at how much I miss her right now… that doesn't usually happen… It might just be the stress.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - I'm still keeping this section because there are still possibilities with some sweeties. Shooter plans to come back in the middle of May. Gingersnap might resurface at some point. Hell, even Rain might resurface again and he won't be in the favorites section anymore. So, this part remains, even if I'm not really using it a whole lot right now.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He's just so sweet. Ye Gods, I love him so much.

It's taken me a really long time to fall in love with the Blue Falcon, but there it is. How could I not. He's proven that he'll always be there for me.

He's taking me to get my hair cut on Thursday.  :)

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- Something must be dreadfully wrong on his end. He hasn't even checked in on OKC in the last few days. I'm so worried about him.

 - Honorable Mentions - More of a dishonorable mention. Some jackhole on OKC actually accused me of being the one who only wanted sex yesterday. OMG! What an asshole. Yeah, he got blocked soon after.

Dammit, I just wish Friday would email or text me so I could delete that profile.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I sent him a message to ask how he's doing. I do remember to check in on him once in awhile. 

End Notes:

I just want Bran back.

It's more than just missing him with the heart. It's missing how much things were simpler with him around.

I hate this.