Midway there...

So, I'm working through it.

Tired today.

Looking forward to seeing Jasper tomorrow.

Looking even more forward to seeing Friday in just over a week.

My phone is shut off again. This time it's stupid T-Mobile's fault.

Grr…

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - So, I missed seeing Valkyrie yesterday because T-Mobile is being an asshole and has shut off my phone again. This means that even if I had the wifi phone connection to get to her, I wouldn't have it to get home. We talked on the phone for a little bit though anyway. She agrees with where I am on the current story, as well as where I am in my head when it comes to Bran. Bottom line, I'm on top of my shit, and we both know it. So, that's a major plus.

 - Writing - I still want to expand revise my chapters 10 and 11 before I abandon ship on the expansion/revisions and start over again. I guess I'm just feeling a little bit of a 'why bother' kind of dread. Kind of a 'I dun wanna'. Like it's pointless to work on this expansion/revision as is knowing that I'm just going to have to go in and tear it up again.

It's whatever.

I'll get through it.

Chapter 10 is the major sex scene. I feel I owe it to the current fans to at least give them something great before I go back and start over. So, there's that. I need to do this for them.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours, 23 minutes, 2x awake, 12x restless, total of 29 minutes awake/restless - so, not optimal, but BETTER. There is still hope for the future.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Feel like it needs to be 4 today.

 - Blood Sugar - Totally forgot.

 - INR - Missing due to lack of phone.

 - Nervous System - See above, RE: phone.

 - Inflammation - Still taking the turmeric, but that's it. Still eating the shitty diet.

 - Exercise/Yoga - Yes, this is back, thanks to the Blue Falcon.

I made the deal with him that I was going to finish expanding/revising chapters 10 and 11, and then BEFORE I started work on the next leg of expansion/revisions, I would figure out a way to work some sort of exercise back into my daily routine.

Nothing too serious.

Maybe just something to make sure I'm hitting that step goal.

 - Weight Management - New meds do seem to be working. I'm definitely less hungry. So, that's a plus.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We made a deal.

When he comes back, that's our 'start over' date.

In the year following that date, we're still going to celebrate April 3'd as our 10 year anniversary. That will still be the celebration of the day we knew that this was the relationship we wanted for the rest of our lives.

But, his return date, that will be our year one… one year of two whole people coming together, starting over, knowing now what we didn't know then. Being wiser in our ways and putting in every effort to making it work.

I still love him.

This is still worth fighting for.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I'm really grateful to have the Blue Falcon in my life. I’m happy that he pushes me to be a better person and take better care of myself. I’m looking forward to having him spend some time with the Unicorn this weekend too.

 - Rain - I did send him a short text yesterday, but I stipulated that I didn't expect a response. I know he's there. He's not going anywhere. As soon as he's free, I know he'll be back in my arms again. I have no fear. He needs me as much as I need him. It's all good.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - I'm supposed to have a date tonight, but again, it's that same fucking thing where he hasn't said a word to me since setting up the date. So that usually means that it's just sex and then I'm never going to hear from him again.

I'm so fucking sick of that. I’m totally done with it.

  --  Friday  -- I seriously think about him all the time. There's just this really profound connection there. We're in contact nearly every day and he's been telling me how often he thinks of me too.

I can't wait for this to happen.

I really need so see how this is going to play out.

 - Honorable Mentions - Barely worth an honorable mention… there was this guy I was in contact with last year. We were largely 'online'. Real strong intellectual connection. We found each other very challenging and it led to a very strong mutual attraction.

Then we went out on our first date and I came home to this message that basically told me that I was 'pretty enough in the face' but I was basically too fat for him.

Okay, granted, I don't like my body that much either, but.

His profile picture made him look way more attractive than he actually was.

He was just as overweight as I was.

He was a pig when he ate.

He told me his worthless cock was only about 5" worth of uncut nastiness.

He actually told me that I could use his pathetic cock as an 'incentive' to get my weight under control.

Like, whatever!

LOL.

So, TWICE now, he's come back… sniffing around and in the course of a single conversation realized that even though he's still very drawn to me, I'm totally over him.

He does not like this.

Oh, and also, he's a narcissist.

Game on, bitch.

Just keep holding up that mirror so I can see how beautiful I really am.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - So, I’m still waiting to see how tomorrow plays out… but Jasper might not be in the former sweetie camp anymore.

Here's what I won't do.

I won't speak too soon.

If things heat up to sexy, I'm going to wait a couple of days and then ask him if he felt bad after. If he still felt shitty, then he's still a former sweetie and we won't be making that mistake again.

If he's okay, and says he wants to see me again… then he might even make it back into the favorites.

End Notes:

I want Friday.

There's just something about him.

Like, even though the sex is going to be brutal, I know it will still count as making love. He's just that kind of a shadow. Like me… I can't wait… this needs to happen.