Goddess Mode: Activated.

I woke up pretty depressed this morning.

With the way things fell apart with Friday yesterday… ugh… and then I added insult to injury when I approved a sweetie application. The in-person interview lasted about 15 minutes and he was a galactic failure. I had him blocked on all channels before he'd even left my parking lot.

It's all happening in the report, so let's get to it.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I was a little worried about today's update. Given how 'upbeat' I've been lately. Even though I warned all of you and myself that the down turn was coming. I wasn't sure I wanted to write about it. But, even then, I also knew that the next upswing would happen too. I knew it wouldn't take long for me to bounce back from yesterday's crushing disappointment.

I got lucky.

The right person was there at the right time.

 - Writing - The 'IDEA MONSTERS' were bouncing on my head as I was trying to fall asleep last night. I hope some of them stick with me through chapter 9 today.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours, 38 minutes, 2x awake, 19, times restless, 51 minutes awake/restless… so, bit more restless than usual… probably not all that surprising.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I’m doing 4 today… what I really want is a giant fucking whiskey and coke. So, I'm settling for some extra fucking coffee.

 - Blood Sugar - So, here we are. Accountability. It's a little high today. 134. Optimal is 120 or lower. So, it's not stupid high, but maybe I shouldn't have had pancakes for dinner last night.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I got treated to some dirt about _her_ and how he really dislikes the arrangement of having to be in her midst.  I love it. I'm happy knowing that she's not taking him away from me anymore. And, realistically, I still have no sympathy for him. This is exactly the life he wanted. This is exactly the life he was willing to sacrifice me to have. This is exactly what he asked for and now he gets to steep in all that regret.

I hope it makes him miss me relentlessly.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - *snore* should I even bother?

    - 1) good company: Barely marginal. Too broke to bring me alcohol, offered me marijuana instead. Spends his free time immersing himself in pot-soaked psychedelic artwork. FAIL

    - 2) good conversation: He didn't even really talk to me. I asked him what was on his mind and he pretty much jumped on top of me and started talking to me. He's an okay kisser, but he needed a shave. FAIL

    - 3) good snuggles: After the kisses made it clear that he was ONLY interested in sex, despite his telling me BEFORE he came over that that's NOT what it was going to be… I told him that I'm on the tail end of my period and it would be a shade messy. He winced. He said 'no'. I offered to 'snuggle' instead. We moved to the bedroom. He didn't even touch me once. He looked at his phone 4 times (in 5 minutes). FAIL

    - 4) good sex: FAIL

Grand total of time spent together was about 15-20 minutes. I've blocked him everywhere. I'm SO not interested in anything with him ever again.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - What can I say? He's spending a significant portion of both tomorrow and Monday with me just to get me through the anniversary. He's even taking me out for Ramen again. I literally have no words. I'm sure I'll have some in the updates, but damn. It's so good to have good guys.

It really is.

 - Rain - I've noticed a shift with Rain this week.

The fear is gone.

Just *poof* gone…

Even if he doesn't return a message or a text. I know he's not gone.

I also know, with everything in me, that the second there's an opening in his busy schedule I'm going to be the first thing on his mind.

He needs me as much as I need him.

Yeah, he won't be there forever, but really, who will be?

I love him, and he's worth loving. I see no reason to hold back with him.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - Friday:

In the few hours since I woke up there has been a lot of movement when it comes to Friday.

I went from the soul crushing disappointment of feeling the loss to remembering who I am as the healer and Virgin Goddess, and then I heard from Friday himself on the matter.

Yes, there's drama on his end.

But, you know what? It's not my job to police his relationship or play 'moral high ground'.

It's my job to recognize the call when I've been asked to help someone.

It's also my job to recognize when someone is answering my call and he's in my life to help me.

Yeah, it might be a considered selfish by some. But, if the people screaming 'selfish' also need to either fix their shit or let it break, then it's a bit of a pot, kettle, black situation and I stop giving a shit.

I’m going full goddess mode on Friday.

He and I both need that.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I owe major kudos to Jasper this morning.

On the 'open relationships' thing. Jasper is the only other person outside of Friday that I've considered for sweetieship that's already in a relationship. So, last night and this morning, when I was thinking to myself 'this is why I prefer only single men', that wasn't really true anymore. Jasper is in a very committed, long-term thing, but he and HLS are WAY healthy about it. Healthy in the way that I hope Bran and I can one day be healthy about it.

So, when it came to solving the moral riddle of how to suck it up and deal with Friday. I KNEW Jasper was the one I needed to talk to about it.

Not that Jasper specifically had the exact sage advice that I needed (even though he did), but more that I needed just the right 'sound board' to bounce my words off of.

I needed the person who was going to remind me of the Virgin and of the oath I took as a healer.

This morning, that person could only have been Jasper, and guess what? He was the one who pinged me first.

He wanted to let me know he's available this week.

He's coming to spend Thursday night with me.

*smile*

We'll see how it goes.

End Notes:

Friday might come over tonight…

I need to get to chapter 9…

It's been a busy morning.