Situational Depression, FTW:

There's just so much that feels wrong right now. It's hard to even focus on the few things that are right.

I’m depressed and lonely. I can barely concentrate.

I just don't even want to be here right now.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Right now over half my time is being devoted to gaming. Part of me wants to feel guilty about that, but then I remember that game therapy is still therapy and this particular game therapy is keeping me distracted from all the stray penis out there.

Still… I don't think I have much longer.

The hunger inside me is writhing.

I'll probably be fleshing out my OKC profile again sometime this coming week.

*sigh*

It's just a matter of regaining some emotional strength somehow.

Just, some way that I can tolerate the one timers so I can try to find a few more sweeties that will stick.

Dammit… I hate this potential sweetie screening process so much right now.

 - Writing - So, I wrote that totally trope kiss in the rain, and now I'm struggling to write an effective sequel for that scene. I'm sure it will come together eventually. But, I really am struggling with it. Staying under word count is a challenge too. I need to leave enough space for certain things to happen in this story before I move on to the second act…

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I was very disappointed when I checked my mail yesterday and discovered that my new Fitbit bands still had not arrived. So, then I went back to the Fitbit site and looked for ways to track my order. I soon discovered that I should have received a confirmation email… so, I checked. No email.

So, I chatted.

The rep I spoke to found my order but saw that it drafted but never processed. Then, because I'd had troubles, and I'd mentioned that my old band broke on me. He decided that expired warranty or not, I'd had PROBLEMS. So, he arranged for TWO bands, for FREE, with expedited shipping, also FREE.

I should have my new bands by Tuesday or Wednesday.

 - Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Should be fine with 3 today

 - Blood Sugar - 129. Not optimal. But not horrible either.

 - Exercise/Yoga - I’m planning on two 5 minute sessions today.

 - Weight Management - I've been getting by only eating twice a day lately…

I'm ashamed to say part of the reason for that is the gaming too. Sometimes I'm doing group events and I can't just walk away, no matter how hungry I might be.

Seems as if the gaming might be helping me with calorie control.  :)

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - Today is his last day to clear everything out of his residence. I think he's sleeping in a motel tonight. He DOES have a house lined up. It's a bit out of range and it means a longer commute, but overall it's a better space for him to be living in.

Yes… he's still going to be with _her_.

I am a hundred shades of NOT HAPPY about this.

They both still get to play happy family, and I'm back here all alone and miserable.

Yes, I know neither of them are happy and they both hate things the way they are, but they're together. She has him and I don't. She's convinced that she won him away from me and doesn't even know that he and I are still together.

*sigh*

The one good thing is that Bran often catches himself in syntax. He still refers to them as an 'us' but he catches it because he knows how much it bothers me. He's explained that he means it in the terms of 'a collective', but he knows that I hear it in the terms of 'a relationship'. So, he catches it and he corrects it before I can get too hurt by it.

So, that's something, at least.

 - The Unicorn - I think my neighbors beat their kids. Or at the very least they shout at them a lot. It's very disturbing to hear the crying of a child and the anger of an adult who isn't trying to soothe that child. It makes me miss my daughter and wish there were some way I could comfort her. Even if there's nothing she needs comforting for…

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - You might start seeing reports here again… I'm not sure.

It's all about my emotional warewithall. If I can regain some emotional strength, then I might be able to handle some one-night action. I’m not sure.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I need to ping him today… figure out if he's coming over tomorrow or not.  :)  THAT would make me feel SO MUCH BETTER!!

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- I’m removing him from this section after today. I just can't take this anymore.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I did a little virtual crying on Jasper's shoulder yesterday, over Friday. He expressed his sorrow over my situation and told me he'd do anything to help if he could.

It's okay. I know there's nothing Jasper could do.

It's just that he was the one who taught me the difference in being held down by someone who means it…

*sigh*

I'm so tired of being sexually frustrated like this.

End Notes:

I just want to give up and cry.

I don't even know if I can pull out the writing today.

*sigh again*

I hope I can…

I really hope I can…