It is what it is...

So, last night went okay. Jasper and I are cuddle buddies and that seems to be where we're going to leave it. I'm comfortable with this. More update in his section below.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Not much to say in terms of therapy today. Most of it you already know. There's writing and games… and just me living one day at a time.

 - Writing - I'm almost there with chapter 10. I should hopefully finish it today.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Still only about normal, despite sleeping next to someone. *sigh*

7 hours, 57 minutes, 2x awake, 13 x restless, total of 33 minutes awake/restless.

So, I guess the good thing is that I only lost about half an hour instead of a full hour. But, other than that it was about the same as usual.

I was hoping the trazodone would have made a difference by now.

 - Fur-babies - Splotches got some cuddles yesterday… it was good cuddle.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - It's going to be 4 today. I need the boost.

 - Blood Sugar - 123! That's the high side of normal, but still really good considering I ate a pouch of fruit snacks in the middle of the night.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I miss him. But I’m surviving. *sigh* it is what it is…

 - The Unicorn - There should be some Buffy/Angel action tonight.  :)

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - See Below, RE: Jasper

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

 - Rain - Nothing new to report

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- I seriously think about him constantly. Every time I hear from him he echoes the same sentiment.

I don't always think about the sex, even though that's usually the star of the show. I also think about the down time between rounds where we're just cuddling, kissing, talking, being goofy…

I really can't wait…

We both need this.

 - Honorable Mentions - So, still not an 'honorable' mention. But that on guy who tried to talk to me a few days ago, LOL.

A 'memory' came across my Facebook feed. Something really vague that I was terribly disappointed about a year ago yesterday. So, I’m looking at this and thinking 'what the hell was I upset about a year ago?' - and then I remembered my private journals (not sure if I was cross posting to the blog back then) So, I checked it out, and it was that silly Dom. The one who was a total pig about as big as me and kinda disgusted me. The one who told me that I was pretty enough in the face but that my body wasn't tight enough for him. The one who tried to use his nasty, tiny, five-inch, uncut pig poker as an 'incentive' for me to loose weight.

Yeah, that asshole.

That was a YEAR ago.

A YEAR!!

So, here it is, a year later. I've totally moved on. I have zero interest, and he's still sniffing around trying to get me interested in him again.

Wow… so, I guess I left an impression?

LOL.

Dumb ass.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I’m not going to get super detailed here. I'm going to tell you that there was no sex and that while I do have mixed feelings about that, I _am_ okay with it.

If we'd had sex, I would have worried too much that he was doing it just to make me happy regardless of how terrible it was making him feel. It would have ruined the experience for me either way.

So we just cuddled and watched Supernatural.

I fed him lamb stew.

Neither of us brought up sex.

I do think that's actually going to be the last time he's going to visit though. He REALLY needs to save every dollar he makes to move HLS and their son to the great north to be with him. I found out last night that it's a $40 round trip worth of gas money just to come see me.

I'm not worth that.

I'll never be worth that.

I have other cuddlers who are perfectly local. I have Rain and the Blue Falcon. I don't need Jasper. Hopefully soon I'll see how things play out with Friday too and then I really won't need Jasper.

End Notes:

I should hopefully have enough energy to pre-blog for Ascending Shadow today too… this is the last idea I have for a blog there for right now, though. About my having to rip and restart my story again.

*shrug*

It is what it is…