So… there's this
really clingy kid that I'm E-Pen-Pal's with and I'll freely admit here that
it's all out of charity. He's seriously depressed and has few friends that
stick with him for very long (three guesses why). The level of negativity isn't
exactly palpable, but the sense of 'total downer' is a little much at times.
Okay, so here's the
thing, he's a writer too. You'd think that one thing would give us something to
bond over, right?
Nope.
He's never read one
single thing that I've written.
I've _tried_ to read
his stuff.
It's awful.
He writes fan-fic.
It doesn't even
matter if he's giving shows better closure or better endings. I've NEVER seen
these shows, so I have zero comparison!
I’m talking about
the writing itself. It's hideious. He mixes tenses. He's mixing one persons
actions with another persons words in the same paragraph. He's making the most
serious rookie mistakes that we all make when we're just starting out. Hell, I
used to make them. But, I've learned how to take critiques and I've improved my
writing considerably. He won't even do that. I point out those little things
and he just brushes it off like 'yeah, I don't care'.
As a result…
… I don't care.
I have no desire to
read any more of his work.
I keep trying to be
polite and say 'no' or 'not now' and some days he just does not get the hint!
Most recently I've
told him that all of my 'reading time' is taken up on Scribophile, where I'm
banking karma to post my ripped/re-started chapters.
So, today I open up
my email and read him telling me that he thinks the karma system is flawed.
OH FUCK YOU!
I actually LOVE the
karma system, thank you very much. Piss off.
I really wish I
didn't feel obligated to email with him every day.
I'm so done with
this friendship, but I’m seriously like the only friend he has.
*sigh*
Anyway…
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - There
are days when I really hit burnout early and I'm gaming by 1pm… and I can't
tell if that's gaming addiction or if that's legit burnout. Either way, there
are days when I get a lot less work done.
The work is still
getting done… just some days more than others.
- Writing - So,
the former Chapter 5, now Chapter 6 seems to be having some trouble. It's
nearly 4K in length… that's about 1K longer than it should be and I should
really consider chopping it in half. The problem is I can't find the seam to
rip, and I don't have a hook to lead to from 6 to 7 if I do rip it.
I'm going to have to
rely on crit feedback on that one.
- Sleep /
Fitbit - Actually REALLY GOOD last night. I’m only about finished with
my first cup of coffee and I'm already feeling pretty awake. 8 hours, 20
minutes, 2x awake (and both of those
were just as I was falling asleep, I didn't wake up at all once I was down),
13x restless, total of 29 minutes awake/restless.
- Fur-babies -
Nothing new to report.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Caffeine - Should
be fine with three today.
- Blood Sugar -
131, tad high, but not horrible.
- Exercise/Yoga
- It's nuts, but I don't exercise where people can see me… so, hopefully
back on track with this tomorrow.
I did tell the Blue
Falcon that I've been exercising a little bit. He was TOTALLY supportive. He
was proud of me for the little that I've been doing and he softly encouraged me
to do more, but he didn't push.
He's so sweet.
I love him so much.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - It's
still the same news. He hates where he is. He wants to come home. There's no
job waiting for him in the cities. There's no home waiting for him up north.
There's a good chance he'll have to leverage her and the kids just to keep a
roof over his head.
Basically it all
pretty much just sucks. It's fucked up.
It will work out.
But it's fucked up.
I hate this.
- The Unicorn -
Entry is coming in a little bit late today because the Unicorn and I did a little
mother/daughter bonding earlier. We finished out Season 4 of Buffy. She really
enjoyed it and it and once again the boss fight went down very closely to the
way she predicted it was.
I know every parent
thinks their kid is awesome.
But, my kid is
amazing!
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
- Recent
Encounters - Nothing new to report.
- Updates on
Favorites -
- Blue Falcon -
I think I'm going to ask if he'll take me to get my hair cut. I have the
funds for it now and I know he would love it if I'd ask him.
I'm really beginning
to love him.
I'm not falling in
love with him. But, the more I hang out with him, the more I realize just how
wonderful of a person he is and I feel so priviliged to know him.
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - Nothing new to report.
- The Hopefuls
-
-- Friday
-- I received a brief note from Friday yesterday. He's getting my
messages, but he doesn’t always reply. Once again he's mentioned that things on
his end are bad. Really bad. The worst they've ever been.
I have to keep
reminding myself that he's on the verge of grief and loss. He could be facing
the agony of losing a child if he's not able to fix his relationship.
I know that pain all
too well. I know how he's probably blaming himself right now and feeling like
he might have failed or could be potentially abandoning his daughter.
No wonder he can't
always find it in himself to reply to me. I'm part of the cause for all of
this.
I just need to suck
it the fuck up.
It's not his job to
pander to my insecurities.
It's my job to trust
him in spite of them. As always!
- Honorable
Mentions - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Former
Sweeties:
- Jasper -
Nothing new to report.
End Notes:
Again… really late
start to the day now… it's already going on half past noon and I'm usually done
with the writing for the day by now…
I might just take
the day off and game.
I'm not even sure if
I'd feel guilty if I did.
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