Okay, so... that sucked...

Well, that was quite possibly one of the worst nights of sleep I've had in a really long while.

The Traz didn't give me vertigo, but it did make me slightly buzzy/floaty. But, not the good kind of buzzy/floaty, like a good opiate. Just the 'near dizzy' kind.

Seemed to take forever for me to fall asleep. I tossed and turned all night. I got up for water twice. Once I even sat bolt upright gagging, like I'd swallowed wrong and I was about to expel whatever had gone down the wrong way.

Ugh…

Oh, and then, after all of that.

Middle of the night, the upstairs neighbors. TV. Top volume.

Not even sure how the hell I plan to get through today. It's going to be a non-production day anyway, though. I'm spending the entire day with the Blue Falcon.  :)

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - All in all, I still feel that I'm pretty on top of things here. I've been taking a break from doing my usual evening gaming and I've been leveling a new alt. WolfsRaine is going to be Samarra's husband. He's based on Rain. Jezzabeth has Aschervon and Schenna has RahulBlu… Oh, and of course there's KyleReese and SarahConnor. Not that I expect any of you to know any of these names. These are just different characters I play in my game that are based on different levels of fictional or real life relationships.

Game therapy, man… it's where I work through shit.

 - Writing - Going STRONG on chapter 9. Expect to finish tomorrow.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 7 hours, 42 minutes, 5x awake, 19 x restless, 65 min awake/restless.

 - Fur-babies - I know I got a visit yesterday, but I can't remember any details.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Oh, you bet your damn skippy little ass it's going to be 4 today. The only thing keeping it from being 5 is that I've got to hop in the shower quick like bunny to be ready for my date with the Blue Falcon.

 - Blood Sugar - Ate two pouches of fruit snacks in the middle of the night, so skipped it because the readings would have been thrown off.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran - I'm still feeling much more upbeat about Bran. There are big changes happening on his end and he's hoping this means he's either a) coming home, or b) about to be living without her. Either way. I know just how emotionally done he is with her. I just need him to not be living with her. I can't have her with him anymore. It's still fucking with me too much.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Date today.  :)  Update tomorrow.

 - Rain - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- We're still talking.

Neither of us is showing any intention of stopping. We're both willing to admit to each other that we find the other important enough to break the 'ethical' rules.

Whatever, I don't fucking care. His mate is exhibiting profound levels of jealousy and insecurity. She gets to play with whoever, whenever, but she keeps him on this tight little leash? No. Unacceptable. He's owed some touch.

His relationship with her is perfectly safe with me. I'm the safest option for him. Neither of us needs this to negatively effect his relationship or his family. No, that's not what this is.

This is 100% sexual frustration resolution. This is fantasy fulfillment. This is wish granting. For both of us. And that's all we need it to be.

It's not my job to fix her or to police his relationship with her. It's not my job to take any sort of moral high ground and endanger them by sending him into the bed of someone who would threaten their relationship.

It's my job to go full on Virgin Goddess/Companion mode and give him and be his healer.

Then he'll have the strength to figure out what to do with his relationship.

I'm just his catalyst, and I’m good with that.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Overnight on Thursday. There will be whiskey. Expect the report sometime Friday.

End Notes:

I don't really have a whole lot of fear moving forward with anyone that I feel I need to move forward with. Whether it’s a sweetie, favorite sweetie, potential, or a beloved… I just feel like I'm right where I need to be with everyone.

Shitty night of sleep…

But, other than that, I feel pretty good today.