Almost a year now...

Geez, is it really April 20th already?

It's not long now… any day now, and the tone of my 'memories' on Facebook is going to take a turn for the worst.

Any day now, and it's going to be the one year anniversary of when Bran abandoned me for her.

*sigh* I have him back now. Even if he's still living with her for the time being. I still have him back in his heart. He's still mine again. And it won't be long before he's back with me again in body too.

The karmic hell that's coming for her will not be pretty and I don't envy her. But, I also don't feel the least bit sorry for her either. She did this to herself. It's out of my hands.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I'm not going to go into a lot of painful detail. But I will tell you that I have three very active characters in the same guild and that I work hard every day on all three characters to help the guild. Yesterday I was recognized by one of the guild leaders and given a gift as a thank you. It was very special and it will be something that will help me to build a stronger character.

My phone is still down, so I haven't been able to see Valkyrie lately, but we talk when we can for a little bit. She feels that the Blue Falcon and Friday are good influences in my life. She understands completely why I've closed my boarders towards the possibilities of new sweeties right now.

I've found the stability I was seeking in the Blue Falcon.

I've found the lover I was seeking in Friday.

Bran is coming home soon.

I've grown out of the need for meaningless sex.

I'm okay.

I'm happy gaming in the evenings and that also leaves me open to being there for Friday if he just messages me some night and asks if I'm free.

*crosses fingers* here's hoping.

 - Writing - I spent the bulk of my writing time yesterday getting my re-revised chapters filtered through Hemingway and Grammarly, and then uploaded to a new folder on Google Drive. After that, I just shut down… I didn't feel like working on anything else. So, I started gaming at 1 pm. - *sigh* Today I'm working on the former chapter 5 and making it the new chapter 6. I'm not expecting a lot of changes to go into this… I'm just hoping I leave enough room for the chapters I need to insert in the end of the first act.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Definitely NOT my best night! 7 hours, 39 minutes, 4x awake, 13x restless, total of 38 minutes awake/restless - oi!

 - Fur-babies - Both Dreamy and Splotches came over yesterday. I felt kind of bad because I was already cuddling Dreamy when Splotches requested cuddles. But, he seems to have survived it. I also have a really abrated (yes, I know that's not a word) nose from where I received some extensive Dreamy kisses.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - It's going to be 4 today, fuck off.

 - Blood Sugar - Skipped today because there was leftover popcorn and I was gnashing it in the middle of the night.

 - Exercise/Yoga - I only did the one 5 minute run yesterday… *sigh*

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - We actually talked quiet a bit yesterday, which is unusual for a Wednesday. That's his only day off from both jobs and so he's usually at home and can't talk because she's always there.

We talked a bit about Shooter, and I'll update that in the 'one timer's' section.

We talked a bit about the elder abomination and how this kid never really had a chance at a normal life. The sheer negativity in the breeding stock pretty much guaranteed that this child was going to grow up violent with multiple mental health issues.

The worst part is that she'll unconsciously blame the child as the reason for Bran leaving her because she'll never take responsibility for how vile of a person she really is.

I'm just happy that Bran has reached a point where he's really ready to let this dad thing go. A year ago she had replaced me as 'the best thing that had ever happened to him' - Now he sees the error of that judgment.

I have him back now.

I don't think he'll stray again.

But, I also don't think I'll ever trust another woman ever again either.

Ye Gods, what a nightmare.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Shooter contacted me yesterday and asked if I'd written about him or our time together. Seeming very much in the 'I hope you didn't' frame of mind. I told him that I'd blogged about him, but that I always use code names to protect anonymity. He asked to read the post.

LOL, then he agreed with me that his Friend is definitely cuter in that 'puppy' kind of way.

During the course of our conversation we realized that we'd both miscommunicated during our time together and that we both would have been fine having sex during that shoot, but we both thought the other wasn't interested. We've both vowed to correct that error when we get together to work again.

Speaking of the work itself. He'd like the next shoot to be much more pornographic in nature. And it took me a second to get what he meant by that. He meant penetration!

Okay! I can actually get behind that.

I do support him and I support his work. I know he's building his portfolio and that good models are hard to come by. So, I want to be a good model for him and take the kind of direction he needs me to take.

Then he asked about cum-play, knowing how I feel about it. My knee-jerk reaction was 'EW, NO!' but I didn't say that, because my emotional regulators kicked in and I controlled my reactivity.

Once again, I realized this was for the sake of the work. So, for that reason I AM willing to make an exception. I realize he's not doing it to humiliate me. He's doing it because those are the kinds of pictures that get noticed.  It's what gets guys off. So, I'm all in.

I DID have to clear it through Bran, though!

Bran said he'd defer to my better judgement on this one.

So, essentially, I have the green light to get pornographic for the sake of some really naughty pics.  :)

 - The Hopefuls - There's this guy I've been chatting with on and off for about the last 6-8 months. We *might* be getting together tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

  --  Friday  -- YES!! I FINALLY heard back from him!! My message to him on OKC had gone into his filtered folder, but once he found me there, he was right there with me again.

We're there.

We're both still there.

We both still really need and want this.

It will happen.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

Not really much to say in end notes…

Just really wishing that Bran would come home already… I miss him.