A week? Maybe?

So, it's been a week since I've heard from Friday, and I really don't know what to think about that. Truth is, I don't really know what's going on in his life that might have caused this break in communication. It could be anything.

It's red flags, to be sure, yes. There have been catfish in the past that have done this to me. *sigh* whatever.

My problem isn't Friday himself.

It's what he promised me.

Friday was my way out. He was an end to my sexual frustrations. That was his value to me.

I know how shallow that sounds, but hear me out.

It wasn't until Jasper that I even found out about this sexual need of mine. Jasper was the one who taught me what was missing. What's been missing, and Friday was the one who promised to deliver on that missing element.

And now Friday appears to be gone before he ever happened.

For all I know, he never was that person he promised to be anyway. Maybe he was just telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. There's no real way of knowing for sure.

So, what do I do now?

Do I refresh my profiles on the dating sites and resume my search?

Do I start wading through the veritable sea of one-night-stand dicks trying to find that one guy who can be what I need?

It seems like such an impossible order to fill.

I’m so disheartened right now.

I just feel like giving up.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - In my work/life balance I now spend over half my time gaming… not sure if that's a good thing or not.

 - Writing - So, I got that rain kiss scene written and mapped out. Only now I have to make sure to write an effective sequel that's going to mesh with the rest of what's already thrown down. This is going to be tough. Wedging these scene/sequel's in mid-story like this?

I'm hoping this will work out.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - I woke up before the alarm this morning and realized that when I threw away my old Fitbit band, I forgot to pull off the fastener. WOOPS! - thankfully it was still in the bottom of my bedroom garbage, so I was able to pull it out and extract it.

That being said, without the band to affix the Fitbit to my wrist, it’s still logging my game time as sleep time… *sigh* let's hope the shipping package is small enough to fit in my mail box because my postal carrier is an ASSHOLE. He doesn't deliver to the door or anything. He's a lazy fuck who just leaves sit OUTSIDE where anyone can steal it.

Fucker.

 - Fur-babies - Got visits yesterday, but no one requested snuggles, so no actual cat therapy time.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - On #3 now, and I’m comfortable stopping there.

 - Blood Sugar - 131 this morning, which I think was due to the toast with strawberry jelly I had right before bed last night. Woops…

 - Exercise/Yoga - I'm done being wiped out and crampy, so it's time to start this back up again.

 - Weight Management - I haven't been eating a whole lot lately. This is probably a very good thing.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I got to talk to him a little bit this morning. He's in the process of putting all his belongings in storage and planning on sleeping in his truck out at a truck stop until some sort of housing is worked out for himself.

Funny thing is, he actually has zero idea what _she_ plans to do with the puppy or the kids. Our best guesses are that she's going to go hide out with her parents, but he honestly has no clue.

He's so fed up with her right now. Her and the abominations. Which is good to hear.

It's also good to hear the tones of absolute regret in his voice when he talks about his situation up north.

I'm also glad that I've forgiven him to the point where I'm really giving him something to come back to. I know he appreciates that. I know how much we miss each other too.

I do hope things work out for him and that he's able to come home soon.

--

Bran and I have also talked about my disappointment regarding Friday, as well as my sexual frustration. He had no advice for me either way.

I think what I want to do is wait until Bran comes home. I think once I get some emotional and mental repair in, I'll be in a better place to try dating and finding that sexual fulfillment again.

Right now I'm just too damaged to go looking. It will only do more harm than good if I get stuck with a bunch of one-night-stands again.

But, if Bran can come home and heal my heart… then I can take all the stray penisi as I seek out the one who can take care of my sexual needs.

--

I know what you're thinking.

If Bran's back, then why isn't he the one taking care of those needs?

Answer: different needs.

Bran is great and I wouldn't trade him for anyone.

But, he's just not as aggressive as I need a lover to be.

He can get a little rough with me, and he can hold me down because he knows I’m into that, but he doesn't mean it.

Jasper was the first one who meant it, and I tell you, it was a whole different experience with Jasper.

It was just a taste. But, a taste was plenty to let me know that I really need to be with someone who can hold me down because that's HIS natural inclination.

I need someone who's into the rape play.

I need someone gentle, sweet, and goofy enough to get past my defenses. But, also someone who can just pin me down and fuck me raw once he's made it through my walls.

Friday said he could be that, but now Friday appears to be gone.

Bran can't be that. It's just not who he is.

So, I'll have to find someone, eventually.

 - The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new to report.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - I probably get to see him again on Monday. I think I’m going to tell him that I love him.

He's so special to me right now.

Hopefully there will be a movie and my white chocolate popcorn, followed by some naked snuggles and some sex.  :)

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls -

  --  Friday  -- We're counting down now.

I'm giving it one more week before I give up on him completely.

Then we'll see if I want to reboot my dating profiles or not.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - Nothing new to report.

End Notes:

I really miss talking with Friday.

I miss the way he made me feel both horny and hopeful.

I'm not willing to write him off completely, yet. But, I'm close.