Love, You're still in recovery...

So far in March, I've been going pretty much non-stop.  

With the addition of the migraines on top of my regular health concerns, it became a 'doctor appointment every day' kind of thing, and then last weekend was no respite because it was Unicorn time... and seriously, taking a nap with her around... nope. It's not going to happen.

Everything else was slipping too. My drive to #YarnSlut had waned to nothing. Misha's leg warmers weren't getting worked on at all. Screw critiquing works on Scribophile.  

Claimed was getting worked on a little bit. I'm actually quite happy about that. The #YarnSlut lobby time went away, but I started carrying November with me and working more on Claimed instead. I really want to finish it because I want to give it to Cuddle Crush as a sort of gift. I don't know when she'll ever have the time to read it, but it's an act of love on my end anyway. I know she'll appreciate it.

I digress...

The last 2+ weeks have been FULL.

So, yesterday arrives and I'm thinking FINALLY, a day off from doctor's appointments and teenager time, I can get some of MY SHIT done!!

Oh... no...  

… no... no... dear...  

… that's not the way this works...

… that's not the way that any of this works.

I can't skip the blog entry. That's ingrained. That's a part of my morning ritual. It's as essential to me as coffee. It's what I do while I'm drinking my coffee.

Yesterday's entry took a little longer because the artwork search was pretty grueling. It was really hard to find images that truly articulated how I felt about Fated Mates and the other relevant things.

Then... coffee done... post posted... time to do ALL THE THINGS.

… nope.

My eye sockets literally 'puckered'.

It's like, NOON. - HOURS before #NapAttack – and my eye sockets are 'puckering'.

Okay... don't panic... we'll just shut them for a bit and then see how we feel. Should be okay, right?

… nuh uh.

Once my eye sockets 'unpuckered', my wiser mind/body still had something to say about doing the things.

"Love, You're still in recovery. I know you feel fine, but 2016/2017 were death traps for you. There's still a lot of residual damage and trauma that you need to work through and heal from. You've put nothing into Self-Care for 2+ weeks. Your energy reserves are depleted. Fucking go lay down and watch some horror movies on Netflix."

Well, okay then...

… far be it for me to fucking argue.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy – And horror movie I did. Nothing stands out. They're all pretty mediocre at this point. It's pretty rare for a horror movie to thrill me anymore. I love The Void and The Ritual. Both of them are deliciously Lovecraftian. So sexy...  

I spent the day completely flattened in bed... remote in hand. I think I got up once to make food go. Other than that, it was pretty relaxing.

No complaints.

- Writing – Nothing new to report.

- Yarn Therapy - Nothing new to report.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 6 hours 44 minutes, 3x awake, 16x restless, 49 minutes awake/restless.

- Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Yesterday was pretty mundane. He worked... he came home... he didn't snuggle... he went to bed... he got up this morning... he went to work again. There were the usual number of hugs and kisses, but nothing spectacular in terms of relationship happies. You know... just being us on a normal day.

I'm okay with that.

- The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon – Movie Night tonight... I haven't spent any time with him in what seems like a really long time... and we haven't had any quality 'just us' time since Bran got back. Unless you count that one '20-minute' span before the movie where he totally jumped me. *sigh* It's been very... dry... with the Blue Falcon.

I know he's still there, and I know he still cares...

But are we still Sweeties?

Should he still be ranking in as the Champion Favorite Sweetie?

I mean, I know I'm stubborn and I don't want to let him go yet...  

… some days I just wish he'd get a girlfriend already so we can just move to platonic and take the guess work out of our relationship.

- Sweeties -

Nothing new to report.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

- Cuddle Crush -  Where do I even start?

The love I feel for her is so overwhelming at times... and the ache I feel for her touch is just as overpowering... and, yet... I have no issue with the fact that our relationship is 'Long Distance' & 'Ambiguous' right now.  

In the relationship sense, what we have seems like so little. It seems so minute. Just a fraction of what a satisfying relationship should be. It seems like I should be hungry for so much more with her.

However, our spiritual bond. The way I made it my mission to 'crush' on her, because she needed it. The way I became the first person in her life to ever 'cultivate' a relationship with her, and that made her love me even more. The way our Alpha's perfectly align with each other.

What we actually have is enormous, and she feels that too. She acknowledges that bond as much as I do. (except for the whole Fated Mate part, but we'll get there).

That kind of acknowledgement is something that even Bran never gave me, and believe me, I fucking TRIED to get him to see/remember who he is and how we really first met. He never connected with me on that spiritual level... he just couldn't feel me... and he's never really let me feel him.

Cuddle Crush lets me in. She lets me worship her.

I really fucking needed that in my life.

- Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

- Never Enough - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

Not sure what the day ahead holds yet. - as soon as I'm done here, I'm going to take a shower and then try to get as much done around the house and stuff as I can.  

Then I'm going to try to get some words down on Claimed.