So, not a total waste...

So, the Physical Therapy wasn't a total waste of time. It was mostly a waste of time, but it wasn't a total waste of time. FFS, I don't have the means to buy a desk and build a workstation so that my body is perfectly positioned at 90-degree angles while I'm typing. And I'm sure as fuck not going to prop my elbows up on boards so I'm knitting right in front of my face. Just, no.

It's called downtime for a reason.

However, I was shown a cute trick with tennis balls that will take care of the nasty knots in my shoulder blades when they come up again!!

So, not a total waste.

I may be 100% justified in not going back and reclaiming my Monday's. Insurance might not cover me for two types of Therapy at the same time. So, if It's that or my Magic Hippo Dance, you know I'm picking my Magic Hippo Dance, right?

My chiropractor seems to have dealt with the headaches and now I know how to take care of my back on my own.

I'm good.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy – I think the biggest thing I have to report to Valkyrie today is the recent soul crushing bout of Abandonment Issues and how my sweet Cuddle Crush talked me down from that ledge.  

Eventually I'd like to bring her Claimed. I'm not sure if it would be her thing or not, but I think she'd be happy to see me evolve out of Ghost Story and write something that's not centered in pain for once.  

I'm really hoping that's the push I'll need to get back to Torvus.

Apophis would love that.

- Writing – So, yeah, we kinda just covered this. Working on Claimed is... really... for the first time, something that I've written from a good place. I'm not really processing anything. I'm mostly just communicating to Cuddle Crush the things she could decide to help me process if our relationship ever ascends to that level.  

The point being. I'm writing it FOR HER. Not for me. It's not just my process of pain this time.

That would hopefully mean that I could go back to Torvus and write it FOR APOPHIS, not for me. It would still be a tad bit of a process of pain, but mostly it would be retooled to help Apophis tell his story through me. That's what he asked of me.

Hey... having someone like Apophis on my side? That's pretty fucking legendary. He gets to ask huge things in return. As working relationships go, we have a fairly profound one.

I regret nothing.

- Yarn Therapy – Nothing new to report.

- Sleep / Fitbit – 5 hours 4 minutes, 3x awake, 12x restless, 41 minutes awake/restless - Bran did that thing where he gets so caught up in a video game that he loses track of time and I suffer the consequences by not getting to bed until after 2am. (grump)

- Fur-babies – Dreamy was still being indecisive last night, but we managed to bring him in for cuddles and naptime. He cuddled with the Unicorn. She had to pee. She couldn't move. It was super sweet, lol.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – Because he's awesome, the first thing he did when he got off of work was go to Target and get me some tennis balls. (awwww) It's all on me now. I need to make my back roller sometime very soon.

Probably Saturday... next day when I don't have to go somewhere. (blarg)

- The Unicorn – She was fine on her own while I did my thing and then tried to take my nap after. Truly impossible to take a nap with her popping her gum bubbles and bouncing on the bed every time she left the room and returned. (sigh) I survived it, though.

She got a few Anime movies in and then we were back to Sailor Moon and Supernatural. We kinda hate Usagi. I swear, I don't remember Usagi being so worthless, but when I came into Sailor Moon it was in the later seasons, so I just have to hope that it will get better... but the Unicorn and I are both getting pretty fed up with Usagi so far.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Updates on Favorites -  

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Sweeties -

Nothing new to report.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

- Cuddle Crush -  Ever since she talked me off that Abandonment Issue ledge, I've been much better about waiting and letting her come to me.

It's a lot like the way I am with Bran when it comes to sex. I never push him. I'm just there for him when he makes the move. So, this is finally shaping up to be the same sort of thing.

Sunday, after my shower, I sent her the message that I was naked and thinking about her, and then I just let it hang there (aside from the morning greeting). When she responded I finished the thought. That got a 'Rawr' out of her. Then I told her that yesterday's lead image was amazing and confessed that I literally never stop thinking about her.

She said she didn't think she could be buried in my mind so much.

"You infect every cell of my being... and I don't even care... because you feel so fucking good."

Yes, these are the kinds of things I say to her ALL THE TIME. She was rendered speechless and blushing. Then I showed her the image and told her that's how I see her. She admitted that it was quite fuckable.  

Then we transcended into my desire to be holding her just then. She responded that she would really like that. Things got choppy for a few seconds as I misgauged her primal vs. her cuddly needs, but I was able to back pedal – and then she dropped.  

And I was okay.

I just let her go.

I let her return to the conversation when she could.

And I was perfectly okay.

No Abandonment Issues.

She came back with one reply later in the evening... I responded back twice... nothing again in return... and it's fine.  

She'll get to me when she gets to me.  

I'm good.

- Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

- Never Enough - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

Nothing new to report.

End Notes:  

So, now I'm sitting here, sipping coffee and typing in my inappropriate 'work station' position.

Suck it.