My Muse is such a Domme.

[11 am’ish ]

Only just beginning to get my shit in gear and this is normally the time of day when I'm already locking down shoes and big girl clothes to face the adulting.

I've literally had to take two 20-minute, micro-naps between cups of coffee just to let my tummy settle and allow the caffeine to permeate my being a little bit.

Right...

So, I can fucking sleep again.

Except not.

Because now I've got the writing bug and it's deciding to bite my ass in the middle of the fucking night instead of the more reasonable daytime hours!

WHAT

THE

ACTUAL

FUCK

?!!??!

Okay, so now I'm exhausted as fuck during the day because I was up til 2 am working on the next Fet Fantasy, and I had to TEAR myself away from that in order to TRY to get a reasonable night's sleep?

And I still feel like ass?

So, I could have just stayed up and kept writing and had the same result this morning?

For

Fuck's

Sake

I'm loving the fuck out of the new narrative, though!

I'm getting ahead of myself a little bit.

Yesterday morning I reported in to a Iron and some Potentials that I'd written a fantasy and posted it to Fet. As far as immediate commentary went, only Brodie and TCN:Colton had read it and had enthusiastic words to share. Both of them have dates coming up and now they're even more excited about the prospects of getting together with me.

I found out last night that Iron had, indeed, read it as well. He thought it was hot and he expressed similar desires being stoked into flame. I asked him what he liked the most about the story and he said it was the Primal 'need, take, have'. To which I respond with an epic 'fuck yes,' because that's exactly what I was going for and I'm psyched as fuck that he picked up on it.

The story was consensual non-consent, but it was also pure Primal too.

Okay, so, the current narrative is a Primal Wolf Fantasy, but it was inspired by TCN:Colton. The opening takes place on his turf, and when I told him that he mistakenly thought that I was writing the story just for him. (wince) oops.

I felt really bad for sort of 'leading him on' like that, but it did really get me thinking that since his character DOES play a role, then another narrative also needs to play out. So, after I finish writing the Primal Wolf, I have to pull him in and write another background narrative of his character helping me explore and learn myself.

I have to post TCN:Colton's narrative first, though. Otherwise, it gets labeled a prequel, and it gets confusing, and nobody wants that.

I just have to finish my wolves first because they're the story that my Muse is currently whipping me with.

My Muse is such a Domme.

At least she's good with the aftercare.

My writing has a way of getting me a lot of physical attention. (winx)

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy -  [5 pm’ish ]

Right, so it's evening now. I had to take another nap when I got home and it was definitely another one of THOSE sessions where it took half an hour just getting her caught up on the day to day 'this is what's happened in my life since I last saw you.'

We covered emotions too. My growing skill at letting go. How impressed to fuck she really is over my new ability to shift my emotional attachments to the reason someone was in my life instead of keeping them on the person themselves, thus preserving my love for both and completely eliminating my abandonment issues.

For a Borderline to find such a creative way to twist the holy mother-fuck out of abandonment and drive the silver spike of beauty through it like that... pretty fucking unheard of.

She's not fucking wrong when she calls me enlightened and I really see no point in being modest about that.

I'm a fucking Goddess and I'm good at this.

We discussed more of where I am with the people who abandoned me in May and how... in all honesty... I don't need them anymore. There aren't any holes there, but I still wouldn't turn them away if they came back.

I just wouldn't love them to the toxic intensity that I had before.

I can still love them.

But it wouldn't control me.

I have my own secrets to keep.

And anyone is a fool to underestimate me.

- Spoons -  Yeah, right.

- Writing -  Because ^^^!!!

Family:

- Spawn -  I got a text earlier that she and JerkDad had been mistaken for a young, married couple... they were even asked if they had kids together.

Depth.

Perception.

FAIL!

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -    

  - Pathfinder -  I sent him a random cute smile last night and we got to chatting about recent events. He's super proud of how his Valkyrie has also become a Phoenix and that advice he gave me a year ago about moving on has finally been taken to heart. He's happy to see me growing and learning. And loving and letting go.

He also got boobies this morning.  (smirk)

Cuddles [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - Team Sweetie -

     - Iron -  We've been exchanging some super cute teases lately. Also, like I said, he really loved my story too. That made me super happy and I really hope it strongly motivates him to come for a second date when he has the free time again... fuck... I need his Alpha to overtake mine.

 - Platonic -

     - Brookie -  I had a pretty good time with Brookie yesterday (formerly TCN:Brooke) - Her real code name is Brookie because she's soft, brown, and sweet. She's a really good person with very good hands.

There was coffee and brunch, and a puppy and some kitties, and a monster toddler who was still obsessed with boobies. It was so laid back it was awesome.

(sigh)

Brookie's a doll.

She's seriously the best and she deserves the best kind of love. I'm just not the one to give it to her.

That makes me sad.

I see a lot of myself in her, especially in comparison to the toxic way that I loved Jaded so much.

Brookie loves OUT way way way the fuck more than she's ever loved IN and it's not fucking fair. She deserves so much better.

She just hasn't found her people yet, and I get that. I'm currently stuck in the same position of looking for mine too.

She just posted her intro in the group last night, though. And I fully 100 - mother-fucking % endorsed the hell out of her.

I think I need to teach her how to do 'calls' so she can bring her people to her better... maybe, I don't know... it's her path and she as to walk it.

At least I can be a friend enough to make sure she's not walking it alone.

Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - Cain - Sadly, sweet Daddy Cain had to cancel on me... but I have a cutie from OKC ready to pick up the slack as soon as he gets off of work...

I adapt. :)

 - Brodie -  Between erotica and some boobie pics... I'd say my Friday intends to be pretty interesting.

Friends:

 - TCN:Elliot & TCN:Brielle -  Elliot messaged me from the grocery store and asked if I had any other requests. I told him I wanted a baby alpaca named Jimmy to snuggle me while we ate.

I can be a brat sometimes.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow.

 - Nolan -  TOO FUCKING SWEET!! Nolan is actually reading one of my earlier novels right now and he is LOVING THE FUCK OUT OF IT! - as in, really wants to see it published.

So, I'm going to post to the Geeks soon that I'm looking for someone to help me clean it up and then we'll look into getting it out there.

I have bus fare!!

I can't fucking wait to snuggle the stuffin' out of Nolan! We're both going in pure platonic, and it's 100% cool. Nolan is adorable as fuck and really smart and I'm just all kinds of squee happy.

I guess he reminds me a little bit of Metal-AF, accept not. Totally different personality, like nowhere near the same type of being. But just good, wholesome, platonic poly cuddles.

I could honestly see Nolan as a Partner-level Platonic Poly person in my life. We connect a lot without a single shred of pressure and it just feels good. That's what I miss about Metal-AF... that's where I see Nolan fitting in.

End Notes:  

So...

Okay, I swear that I'm not reading to much into a single fucking thing here... but Jaded contacted me this morning.

She had a 'bad-sad' and she was feeling depressed... and... I ended up sending her boobies and she ended up sending me ass and some pretty hardcore flirting ensued.

It’s all still there... everything I still feel for her and how seeing her luscious body still makes me want to chew through my hand.

But, that's all it was.

Just some flirt.

I hope it helped her feel better.