... my strongest, best, most empowered Alpha BITCH...

So, I wrote my first piece of erotica/personal fantasy and posted it to Fet in the wee hours of the morning.

Sorry, I'm not posting the link. If you know me well enough then you already know where to find it or you should be comfortable enough to ask me to give you access.

And, yeah, like I said. This is 'personal fantasy'. I wrote it exclusively for the reason of giving a future partner/play-partner insight into my mind and how I imagine a certain scene playing out. The type of role play involved is a bit on the obscure and often misunderstood end of things.

It's easy to have negative gut reactions, miscommunications, and misinterpretations about this kind of play, and it seems as if I'm always either calming someone down 'no no, it's not like that.' or seriously having to set some very strict boundaries 'No. It's NOT like that!' - The assumption is always that I want to be hurt.

Nope.

Not this girl.

Pain is not a part of this picture.

It's definitely not for everyone, though.

Anyway, I really hope that little fantasy I posted clears a few things up for people, and who knows? It might even result in some interesting play time.

Wow! Um, I can't believe I only just thought of that just now.

I've always written my erotica as a way of slaking a need that I knew was going to keep going unfulfilled. I just realized that in this community... sharing something like that... um... oh hell... I might actually pull someone to me that wants to play.

That thought makes me simultaneously very excited and incredibly anxious.

Now... from here on out, I do really want to focus more on Primal fantasies. There will still be a hint of that other element in there, but Primal is where I need to go moving forward.

If I'm going to call my true Alpha to me, then I need to be very clear about my intent and my desires.

I need to give him as much information as possible so he knows what I need before he comes to claim me.

Also, in the meantime, I plan to play... a LOT. I plan to work with my healers and my play partners to gain as much strength and experience as I can.

This is all 100% pure Goddess the Fuck Up mode.

This is also 100% pure Law of Attraction mode.

If I'm going to call the strongest true Alpha to me, well then I better fucking be my strongest, best, most empowered Alpha BITCH myself!

Right?!

Yup, thought so.

I'm over this whole settling for less than what I deserve bullshit.

I plan to get what I truly do deserve.

Anyone who stands in my way or tries to weigh me down can fuck right the hell off.

I'm fucking DONE!

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy -  I will be happy to report to Valkyrie that sleep and I are getting along just fine now.

Now I just need to stop chatting with people until 3 am!

FFS!

- Spoons -  (snicker)

- Writing -  YES!

Family:

- Spawn -  I was really low-energy this whole weekend. I could barely get up the strength to take care of myself, much less her.

I really need to plan ahead for that and have some sort of healthier 'ready to eat' meal options for her.

Suggestions welcome.

Keep in mind, I'm on a severely limited food and spoon budget.

Cuddles [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - Team Sweetie -

     - Iron -  He was actually feeling plucky enough to send me some pictures and tease me last night. Has me all kinds of sexually frustrated, but it was so nice to see him feeling a bit better. I'm honored that he shared that with me. He's still my model for the true Alpha that I desperately need in my life. I’m sure he’s good with that.

 - Undeclared -

     - TCN:Brooke -  We have our cuddle date today. I've specified that I really need it to be just platonic. She's okay with that. For which I am grateful.

She really is a sweetheart.

She's that girl who always ends up loving OUT so so so much more than she's ever been loved IN, and I get that because I've been that girl too.

Bran loved me back, and for 8 years I had that and it was wonderful, but now I'm actually back to being that girl again too. I've just learned how to handle it by shifting my emotional attachments to the reasons those people are in my life instead of on the people themselves. It helps a lot!

Still hurts, but it's okay. Brooke and I just haven't found our people yet.

Law of Attraction. It'll happen.

Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - Cain - Tomorrow!

 - Brodie -  He's my date for Friday... he's very excited about the possibilities of getting very frisky with me, lol. <3

Friends: [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - TCN:Elliot & TCN:Brielle - Wednesday.

 - Nolan - Thursday - He's seriously too fucking adorbs for words. I'm so looking forward to Thursday. We're going to skip Supernatural for now and watch a few episodes of Revenge. I want him to meet the character of Nolan Ross that I named him after.

End Notes:  

Okay, so good week ahead... more fantasies to write... TCN:Brooke is picking me up in like 2 hours, so I gotta go!!