So, naturally, I've been little miss popular since tossing up new social profiles and opening myself up to a wider range of contact from a broader spectrum of interested people.
I'm really happy to say that I'm making 'friends' and that some of my new contacts are people that I think would just be cool to hang with and not even cuddle necessarily.
I'm meeting people I would love to cuddle/sweetie/date too... but, I'm really proud of myself for figuring out a few friends. That's been a major roadblock for me.
A lot of people host board game nights... so I have my caseworker looking into putting money on my bus card and hopefully, I'll start to be able to get around to some of these locations. Or, if I'm lucky, maybe I'll even meet a few people who wouldn't mind providing transportation.
Of course, this does also mean being little miss AWKWARD when it comes to being in such polite company. Until I start to trust people and then the inappropriately timed, sexually loaded comment filter on my brain will break and I'll start saying some really fucked up things.
FUCK.
I hope these people are fucked up enough in the head that they'll find it endearing and not creepy or I'm screwed.
...
...
... (sigh)
I need to work on letting go of my expectations.
I need to work on just letting things unfold organically and on their own timeline.
I need to learn how to be more fucking patient with the world around me.
I need to recognize that other people have lives and that they're not just sitting alone in a Temple all day waiting for people to come to them.
Time moves so fucking slow for me because of the Borderline. Since I feel every emotion of every moment... every moment stretches out to a lifetime.
It's so hard to not feel lonely when I'm alone so much.
...
...
... so, I'm hopeful that these new connections result in some good friends and good people to hang out with or cuddle.
There are definitely a few blips on the Pansexual radar too. :)
I mean, come on...
... who doesn't love radar blips?
Mental Health / Self-Care:
- Therapy - Sleep: I actually made myself go to bed at a decent hour last night. If you can count 1:30 in the morning decent, that is. I mean, it's more decent than somewhere between 3-5 am, that's for sure. I was coming down with a cold yesterday and I knew that my body needed the extra rest to fight it off or it was going to cost me my cuddle with TCN:Kaden today.
Sleep still isn't the greatest. I mean, it's definitely not what it used to be. I used to need the dark/quiet/white noise of the fan. Now I leave the bedside light on so that the flickering of the TV won't disturb me. Then I let Netflix run in the background. Netflix will eventually shut itself off and then my Chromecast will kick in with the artwork scroll.
For right now... that seems to be the best I can do.
- Spoons - I should try to do dishes, but I think it’s going to wait until tomorrow.
- Writing - Still no movement here, even though the ideas are there and they would most definitely help with both patience and sleep. FUCK! I need to write, dammit.
Physical Health / Self-Care:
- Blood Sugar - / - INR - Both normal. All good.
Cuddles
- Iron - I really feel bad for being so needy and wanting so desperately to be his. It's just that his ability to adjust to my needs... and Apophis DID choose him as his vessel... If there's anyone I would want to claim me, it would be Iron, but I have to be realistic too. Iron has his own messes to clean up on his end. He really doesn't need to add my messes on top of his. I just have to hope the best for him, and separately, for myself. Iron may yet be my Alpha... or my Alpha may still be out there looking for me. It's too hard to tell right now.
- Zane - We’re going to make something happen as soon as he’s got some free time.
- Tristan - Same here.
- TCN:Kaden - CUDDLES TODAY!!!
Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]
- Cain - OMFG!! NEXT TUESDAY I get Daddy Cain time! So overdue!
- Friday - So, not only did he launch a brand new OKC profile just TODAY and for the sole purpose of hunting me down, but he even chose a name that only I would recognize him by. How’s that for kismet? I put my profile back up, what 60 hours ago? Give or take?
Yeah… this one is not lost on me. Not one little bit.
Friends:
- Blue Falcon - So, the guy who flat out said he was never going to ‘check in’ on me… has been checking in on me. Where the hell do I put that? Do you think I should try to hang with him? Last time we hung we didn’t connect on a single thing. It was really disturbing.
End Notes:
So…
Friends…
Cuddles…
Possibly more…
Need patience…
… yeah…
… I got this.
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