... someone who lets me love them.

And moving right along...

I got to bed/sleep super into the wee hours of the morning (4 am), and then accidentally slept in an hour and a half today. Prepare for discombobulation.

It wasn't the fear of the dark and the quiet that kept me awake, though.

I was having the most wonderful conversation with Code Name: Tristan. Yes, he's new. He responded to my most recent Cuddle Call and we've been really enchanted with each other ever since.

He has a background that kind of pushes my buttons a little bit and a present that makes him undeniably electric to me. The feeling is very mutual too.

Tristan and I are both struggling with our senses of visibility and feeling like we matter.

Naturally, it's become both our understanding that the other is so much more than what can be seen on the surface, and we're both there, ready to embrace each other. Imperfections and all.

I believe his exact words were to tell me that he 'celebrates imperfections'.

Which I totally get... This thing about him that gets him overlooked? It's not something that fazes me in the slightest.

Yeah, once again, I have someone who has been on the ass end of a lot of rejection, and yet I see nothing wrong here. All I see is this beautiful, intensely eyed, soul who's been neglected and deserves to be loved as a whole person.

Once again, a difference that doesn't deserve to be fetishized or tolerated, but fully rather embraced, accepted, welcomed, held tightly, and loved... shadows and all.

--

I guess where I'm going with all of this is to say that my Sanctuary Spells have taken effect nicely. I'm pulling in more of what I need in terms of shared intimacy issues and I'm finding my heart and body responding to these suitors with so much patience, love, and understanding.

Heh... fuck, I love the damaged ones, and who could blame me? They're my people. My tribe. Damaged but not defeated.

(long, warm sigh)

I'm looking forward to meeting Tristan in person and sharing the skin and the touch that we both need, as well as the unconditional love and acceptance that we both need and are so very capable of providing each other with.

It feels really good to love someone who lets me love them.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Writing -  Shut up.

I will get to this when I get to it.

Cuddles

- Stasia -  I chatted with her quite a bit more last night as well... Our plan is Sunday...

She sent me a picture of her... omg... her fucking lips... She well and truly needs/deserves to be kissed to within an inch of her life.

I'm really happy that she responded to my Cuddle Call.

- Tristan -  Him as well! I'm just delighted that my Cuddle Call pulled someone like Tristan to me. I have no words for how much I'm looking forward to exploring and experiencing this... heh... whatever it is we have between us. Whatever it is, it's good.

Friends:

- TCN: Cohen -  DAMMIT! It totally slipped my mind that I needed to check on him! - I have it in my daily notes now, so I won't forget again.

End Notes:  

I do want to mention that I did have a date two nights ago. That's the reason I only got about one hour of sleep before yesterday.

Um... nice guy? Like, super nice and super worthy... just... no spark.

I'm still going to watch the rest of Stranger Things 2 with him, but I'm going to edge this one back to sans-cuddles 'friend'.

It's nothing personal. I like him. He's just not my type and I'm not going to repeat the same mistake I made with Rabbit.

Rabbit deserved better.

He deserved so much better than me or what happened between us.

I learned from it, but it saddens me that I had to learn a lesson by hurting someone else. I know that causing pain and being the one who occasionally has to do the rejecting is a part of life... but that doesn't make it suck any less.