I just feel like I'm not fucking it up this time.

I finally got to snuggle my beloved Metal-AF again.

I missed him so much. It felt like it had been forever and in all honesty, if we'd had ten hours together yesterday, it probably still wouldn't have felt like enough. I missed him so much, and I know he felt the same way about me.

The day started out as normal, with Bran waking up next to me while I was tap taping out my blog. Bran always reaches for me in the mornings. It's the only time he actively cuddles, so I always take advantage of it. It's hard to pull my attention away from the writing because I'm usually in the middle of a thought, but he's more important.

I expressed, again, my worry about his feelings. Even though the's reassured me more than once that he's okay with this. I'm just petrified that I'm going to repeat Set or Lotus.

I told him that he didn't have to clear out just because Metal-AF was coming over. I told him he was welcome to stay. I told him that I didn't want him to feel as if he was getting kicked out of his own house. And then I struggled for a word for how I didn't want him to feel.

He supplied the word.

Displaced.

And that was it, exactly, I didn't want him to feel displaced.

We cuddled it out, got on with our respective mornings, and I got thing ready for Metal-AF.

He arrived about noon'ish. Bran was still here. Introductions were made.

I was still adding artwork to the blog, and as I was finishing that up, Bran came into the room. I asked if he was taking off. I had assumed that he was coming to hug/kiss me goodbye.

He was coming to be social.

He was coming to be SOCIAL!!

They ended up talking for HOURS while I finished the blog, ate breakfast, and even took a little bit of a nap.

LOL... it seriously cut into snuggle time, but it was worth it.

They bonded.

My Soulmate and my Wonder Twin / Twin Flame get along great and Metal-AF is Family.

The next step, of course, is pulling Cuddle Crush in to meet Bran, but he already accepts her as Family too.

There's a social setting where Metal-AF and Cuddle Crush will meet, I don't anticipate problems there. Metal-AF ships Cuddle Crush and I so fucking hard.

I'm not sure how much more my cuddle support network will continue to expand, but those three are my PolyCule. They're the ones who matter, so it's great that so far things are going well.

I don't know...

It just feels like I've fucked this up so many times in the past.

This is a really good feeling. I just feel like I'm not fucking it up this time.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy -  I see Valkyrie an hour earlier than normal today, it threw off the time of my Case Worker meeting, but that's okay. She and I rescheduled for Friday.

I'm looking forward to giving her the update.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

- Blood Sugar -  I'm really happy. This couldn't have been more normal this morning. 119 is an excellent number to wake up to.

Family:

- Bran -  The only thing that actually ended Bran's conversation with Metal-AF was the fact that he had to leave for work. Which he did.

He called me when he was off and asked if I needed dinner. We settled on Whoppers. Probably not the healthiest options, but whatever.

We both ate alone. I was watching Daredevil and he had some of his own administrative tasks to stay on top of.

Then he needed some private water immersion time, after which I was already fading from the food coma. He offered to continue his wind down in the living room so I could go to bed.

I accepted.

I took my meds and went to sleep.

I don't even know if I remember waking up when he came to bed.

SEE - this WORKS!!

I do get sleep!!

It's just weekends with the Spawn that are a little more difficult to navigate, and that's like 4-nights out of the month. Not really a big deal at all.

LOL.  <3

- Spawn -  Truthfully, I'm still giggling over making the narcissist cry.

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -

  - Cuddle Crush -   I had a chance to drop a conversation snippet her way last night and I told her about Bran and Metal-AF meeting and getting along. She was SO HAPPY for me.

She has reasons to be happy for me. She has reasons to be thrilled that there's no drama on my end.

She even said that she needs to make sure that she meets Bran before he leaves.

S Q U E E ! ! ! !

That is like, the MOST PolyCule thing she could ever say to me!

That's a clear 'I love you, I'm in your life, I need to meet your spouse and make sure we get along too.'

AHHHH!!!

I told her she'd have multiple opportunities, and also that she'd approve of the thing he's leaving to do. She's intrigued. It's awesome.

I also told her that Bran already considers her to be Family. That gave her warm fuzzies.

I'm so fucking happy right now.

You have no idea.

  - Pathfinder -  Nothing new to report.

  - Never Enough -  Nothing new to report.

Cuddles

  - Metal-AF -  I met him by the lower door to the apartment complex, and without giving a single fuck about who could see us. I hugged him right there and we both expressed the sensation of relief to be touching again. We told each other how much we'd missed each other.

I took him upstairs and inside the apartment. Bran was at his desk and I made introductions. Then on the way back to the Chamber of Snuggles, I stopped to refill my water bottle.

Once in the Chamber of Snuggles, I was still applying artwork, and by the time I'd finished that, Bran had joined us.

It was SO GOOD to see and hear them bonding. They really seemed to like each other.

Bran had some things to finish up before he left, and I was able to get into my wonderful twins arms again.

No words.

It felt so fucking good.

As good as I am at communicating sensation and feeling and emotion and perception and experience... I can't describe this.

He's just so much of a part of me.

He told me about some of the things that have been on his mind lately, and I'm doing my best to get him through them. I'm not sure my advice was actually even needed, and it was probably bad advice, I think he just needed to talk and I probably should have just shut the fuck up and let him.

There is one thing though.

His personal evolution. His trajectory. His path. Where he intends to go. It's going to be hard. It's going to take a long time. And he's been told by the people that are supposed to be the closest to him that he should just give up before he even starts because he's never going to make it.

Ass fuckers.

This is the reason why there is such a thing as Chosen Family.

Bran and I are on top of this now.

Metal-AF is going to get all the love and support and 'don't you dare give up' and ass-kicking right mother-fucking here.

Blood can suck a dick.

--

Cuddles.

He rubbed my back a little bit, it was glorious.

I ALMOST forgot that we were supposed to be catching up on Supernatural together, and as it stood we didn't even make it through the full episode before he had to leave.

It was bittersweet. That separation. Like I said, 10 hours wouldn't have felt like enough, and our cuddles were cut short by the bonding with Bran, which NO ONE regrets.

We just needed more time.

We already missed each other before he even left the Chamber of Snuggles. It's just so difficult to tear away once we've been in contact. The need to touch is just so fucking profound.

I love him so much.

How did I ever make it in this life without him before?

My sense of balance is so much more stable with him around.

I even feel more stable with Cuddle Crush, just because I have him.

We're going to 'try' to see if we can make Saturday happen.

That would be awesome.

 (Potential(s)) #1  I figured it out late last night that he's dealing with deep depression. How this was lost on me before... fuck, I'm an idiot.

Now I know I have my work cut out for me.

 (Potential(s)) #2  We didn't get a chance to chat last night. He was busy. Life stuff. It's cool. We'll tap in when we can.

Friends:

  - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

 - Bright Star -  Somewhere around what I imagine lunch hour would have been, Bright Star tapped in with me.

He said he was fine with us still being in contact on Facebook. He just hadn't made that clear during our last conversation.

How awesome is that?

I told him that I was going to tap him eventually, I'd just been preoccupied and I wanted to give him some space first. He thanked me for being considerate.

I need to tap him soon now.

I need to find out how he's doing.

End Notes:  

Bran should be waking up in just a bit here.

HE NEEDS ALL THE CUDDLES!!