I really have no idea on how to get unstuck.

This morning was a rare oddity. I did something that normally would never cross my mind. I got up with the alarm, started to do some normal morning things, realized how tired I still was...

Then I set my timer for an hour, curled up with my elephant and my blankie and I went right back to bed/sleep.

I gave myself only an hour, but it was enough to squeeze in another two or three REM cycles, which seems to have been exactly what was needed. I feel rested, alert, and ready to let caffeine take me the rest of the way into productive.

I don't have to be anywhere today, so it's really okay if I'm moving slower and I don't get the blog posted before noon or one'ish. My biggest plan for today is housework, and that never takes long. If I'm lucky, I might be able to reboot that #YarnSlut mania that takes over once in a while.

(sigh) - I'm still trying to pull out of whatever the hell knocked me down so far that I didn't have one, single creative spoon left in the day for the writing or the yarn. I don't even remember what the hell happened when it happened, or how long I've been in this darker hole. I just know it's been frustrating as hell to not have a way out of it.

I keep thinking better sleep will improve my energy reserves, but that's just not going to happen. My body seems to have adjusted to 5-6 hours of sleep anyway - it just seems as if my brain/creativity hasn't caught up yet, but now I don't think that's an excuse anymore.

I feel... demotivated... just, lackluster. Like I really want to do these things, but when I have the time and the space to do them, I just look at that blank scene or that next row, and I take in this big breath, and I let out this long sigh. I end up asking my brain 'are we doing this?' and the answer keeps coming back 'no', every time.

I want to.

I feel blocked.

I really have no idea on how to get unstuck.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Family:

- Bran -  I've been doing well at making new friends. I met someone just last night who seems very promising, and we've agreed that it's JUST FRIENDS. I'm taking the Blue Falcon's advice and I'm not even pushing for Cuddle Buddies at this time.

So, I told Bran that he's welcome to hang out and be social too and my goodness did he ever lay down the fucking hammer.

I'd forgotten what a stupid cunt I was when we first met.

I was just so happy to be in a healthy relationship that I wanted to show him off like a trick pony I'd won at the lottery.

There were things he'd told me in confidence because he needed to talk about them and then that information would end up in my blog the next day.

Yeah, I was that fucking stupid.

I bragged about him.

I sold him like a piece of meat.

I gotta cut that shit out if he's going to meet anyone. (sigh) No wonder he'd rather just not be here.

I'm stupid.

- The Unicorn -  Nothing new to report.

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -

  - Cuddle Crush -   Wow... we derailed a little bit yesterday/last night.

She sent me a kinky meme and it brought us into a conversation that made it clear that she still hasn't read Claimed yet. So, she's still clueless about me as a submissive.

So, I tried to give her the short version of an explanation, and then she went quiet on me.

Then, in keeping with our new agreement that I would ask for reassurance if I needed it, I fucking said 'HEY! Just bared my soul there, a response would be nice.'

She came back with something that weakly read like, 'That's not me.'

I said, 'Ouch.'

And she panicked and back peddled saying that she's having a bad day and communicating poorly. She apologized for having hurt or offended me... blah blah blah...

And I just told her to 'shhh, it's okay' - I reminded her that we'd discussed this. I'd ask for reassurance if I needed it, she'd tell me if she's /off/ that day, and I'd just let shit go. And it's all fine.

So, it's cool. I get it. She didn't mean to hurt me with her words.

But I'm not going to fucking lie here...

... I mean, seriously?

... seriously?

... What if she's NOT my Alpha?

... How the fuck am I supposed to deal with that one?

That throws the ENTIRE Fated Mate thing right in the fucking gutter.

I'm am NOT happy about this.

  - Pathfinder -  Nothing new to report.

  - Never Enough -  Nothing new to report.

Cuddles

  - Metal-AF -  There's not much here that you don't already know. Miss, must cuddle, tomorrow it happens. It'll be awesome. Today's gonna drag. Meh.

Friends:

  - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

  - Bright Star -  I think we're good here. If I need to update anything, you'll see him pop up, but he doesn't need to be in the regular report anymore.

(Potential(s)) -  There are some new connections forming. Probably going to meet with someone this weekend. I’m only saying ‘probably’ because things come up, but he’s really excited to come meet me. He has a young daughter that I think the Unicorn will really enjoy watching over if they decide to go out and play or something.

The Unicorn also has two tubbies of toys that she never goes into, so maybe she should sort through them for toys to play with / give away.

At this point, they’ve been untouched for like, a year and a half, I think the sentimental value has expired.

Other potential(s) are filtering in.

We shall see.

End Notes:  

And that's it.

Not a whole lot in the 'deep thoughts' today, but - some days I just wanna post and get on with my day.

So, shit to do. People to kill.