This morning I woke up on the High Ground...

It's amazing the difference that a really good night's sleep will make in the emotional regulators. I don't remember how well I slept the night before last, but I definitely woke up remembering my own worth and that I deserve to be treated with respect.  

If someone who says they love me doesn't stand up and treat me with that kind of respect, well then they can sit the fuck down and watch someone else do that for them.

Last night I cried myself to sleep over a broken promise.

For clarification, it hasn't been broken yet, but I'm pretty sure that it will be.  

It hurts.

My heart is breaking. I'm bleeding out for her and she doesn’t even notice.

But, this morning I woke up remembering my promises. Promises which I've not broken, yet, but I would have if I went off on her about breaking my heart.

I woke up remembering the art of the long game.

The Long Game.

The Art of the Mother-Fucking Long Game.

I signed up for this.

This is all on me.

She hurt me, I got hurt, hurt enough to get angry, and that's important. Anger is how I emotionally distance myself from situations. The situation aligned to exactly what I needed to take that step back and then a good night's sleep got me to where I needed to be.

This morning I woke up on the High Ground.

And I've got my own promises to keep.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy – I've been saying it all along. It's a new game with new maps, new rules, and new challenges. There's a learning curve here. It's going to take me longer than normal to figure shit out, and just when I think I've gotten it, I'm probably going to step on another trap or unleash another mob.  

It's okay.  

It's gonna suck, but I got this.

I have my group with me.  :)

- Spoons – Ye gods, I hope I get shit done today.

- Writing – Nothing new to report.

- #YarnSlut - Nothing new to report.

- Fur-babies - Nothing new to report.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Family:

- Bran – He kinda accidentially did a thing yesterday. It was a good thing. A thing he's really good at. Like, really really good at. It's this thing where he's totally in his element and he's so happy to do what he loves.

He came home to tell me all these wonderful stories, and I didn't flinch.

This is what he needs to be doing. It's where he belongs.

I've been holding him back.

He did me for 10 years, and it took me that fucking long to realize all the care and effort he put into me. It's really about fucking time I let him do him. He's more than earned that right. I really wish the two could happen in the same place, but that's just not the way it is right now. So, he has to leave... a lot... to go do what he's meant to do.

And I gotta live with that.

I'm pretty sure I'll be okay, though.  

I've got my people, and I can get more.

He shouldn't have to worry about me anymore. I'm on top of this.

- The Unicorn - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Sweeties:

- Sweeties -

Not really dating at this time.

 - AmbiguSweeties -

- Cuddle Crush -  So... my mission now is to resume my position.  

The Crusher, The Cultivator, The Co-Alpha... to be the one to compliment her daily and make her blush. To be the one constantly seducing her.  

I just have to do this knowing it's not going to happen. I have to remain emotionally distant while my heart is still calling out to her.

So many twists and turns here, but I've got promises to keep.

Oh, and I’m not going to let her get away with hurting me either! But I am going to let it play out how it's going to play out. I'm going to bitch slap her, you bet your ass, but then I'll forgive it and let it go. I'll let her go. I'm not just going to plaster on a fake smile and be happy that things are suddenly going her way again. NOPE, not going to happen. She's going to know she caused pain and she's going to have to live with the guilt on that one while I move on and stop being so generous with my love and my time for a bit. She needs to learn consequences too.

- Pathfinder - Nothing new to report.

- Never Enough - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Just Friends:

- Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

- Cuddle Buddies -  

- Metal-AF – Uuuuuugggghhhhhh!!!!! Why is it not Saturday yet?! I fucking need my Snuggle Therapy.

(Potential(s)) Same goes for Friday!!  

Mr. Potential confirmed last night that there's no way in hell he's skipping out on snuggles no matter how stressful or taxing his Friday is. We've also come to realize that proximity is in our favor. Random cuddle itches can and will be scratched very easily.

So, yeah, it needs to be Friday already.

End Notes:  

Art of the Long Game, bitches.