Am I really that scary in person?

I'm not in the best place today... emotionally.

I had a first date last night with someone who I trusted and felt safe with pretty much right away when we started chatting on OKC. He expressed his loneliness and told me that he's new to my area, doesn't know very many people, and had been feeling an intense absence of 'loving touch'. So, he came over. Brought wine and movies. We talked for a bit and then we watched a movie while he pretty much cuddled up against me in my lap, I rubbed his back while we watched the movie, really working on infusing my touch with gentleness and unconditional love. 

The original plan was for him to spend two nights with me so we could watch and deconstruct movies because that's my new favorite thing.

He brought three movies. After the first, he told me he needed to go outside to smoke a cigarette. That was fine, I wanted to take that time to use the bathroom and grab something to eat. So, I handed him my keys and told him how to get back into the building.

When I came out of the bathroom, my keys were on the sofa. The movies were gone. What had been left in his wine glass had been drunk, and there were fresh tire marks in the snow where he'd been parked.

He just bolted.

It was really hard for me to calm down and try to sleep last night. I never process rejection well. I was really hurt.

I messaged Bran, Victor, Foxtrot, a potential, and the Dragon right after it happened.

Bran consoled me both online and over the phone. Victor listened but didn't offer much in reply. Foxtrot was busy working until an hour past my bedtime, but expressed his regrets over not being able to listen. The potential consoled me. I didn't give the Dragon any details. I just thanked him for his continued friendship that has gotten me through so much carnage.

All of these, especially Bran, helped me sleep a little better last night.

This morning, I'm slightly better, though. I'm choosing to not believe this was a problem with me. I'm choosing to believe that he was just a coward and got spooked and I did nothing wrong.

Well, that is what I'm telling myself anyway... I'm still really hurt. I'll be okay, eventually. I bounce back pretty fast when I've been rejected. But, for now I'm letting myself feel my disappointment so that I can just get it out of my system and move on.