Chutes and Ladders...

So, about that someone new…

We've code named him Copperhead, like the snake. We have our reasons.

The email exchanges between Copperhead and I have been amazing. We're so well matched in terms of our Dom/sub styles. Nothing fancy. Just intense fucking designed to make me feel both cherished and used at the same time. I'm his princess slut, and he loves it.

He also has a thing for succubae, so we're phenomenal there.

OH! And, much to my surprise, I'm still in for a DP treat when he arrives with his friend on Sunday. I'm so excited and nervous about this for many reasons, but the first being a) my body shame, and then b) friend doesn't feel comfortable with anal, leaving me to handle Copperhead's rather sizable snake.

I'm hopeful though.

Yesterday I told Val the whole story about Alpha. And she's so proud of me. I also mentioned the guy who keeps trying to get me to go out on a date with him, despite giving me zero chemistry to go on. Val and I discussed how I'm able to just pick and choose right now because the boys are just flocking to me.

We compared me to the bear at the top of the stream who is just snatching tasty salmon right out of the air and getting his treat. *gurrauwl!*

Then we discussed how my spotting Alpha's narcissism worked in my favor, and how a further encounter with a narcissist might actually be a good thing for me.

You see, Borderlines can't see our own self worth. No matter how much we're told that we're valued, we just can't see it. It never really sinks in. We can minimize our shame and feelings of worthlessness. But we can never fully make them go away.

Narcissists FEED on that kind of despair. They build us up and then they break us down.

But, if I'm in a place where I can *see* the narcissist… HEH… that mirror they hold up does me the most GOOD. I can spend hours just basking in my own glow until the narcissist either takes away the mirror (in which case, I drop them) or, he gets fed up with the fact that he can't gaslight me and he leaves on his own.

Either way, I win.

And…

Dammit…

So, that makes ME my own ALPHA!!  LOL!! 

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot!!