Oh, how I hate to
say it.
I'm pining over
Foxtrot much in the same way that I pined over Gingersnap.
It's that fucking
smile of his… the one, when looking down upon me, made me all gooey inside and
flooded my pussy with juices. *sigh* He just seemed so happy.
How could it turn
out that he wasn't? How could I have misread him so?
Perhaps he simply
couldn't overcome the disappointment in my deformity. Perhaps my inability to
have an orgasm with him was the death knell for us.
I'm sad.
--
I almost had a date
yesterday. But, I was in such a 'not okay' place that his insistence for
'pictures and video's of a sexual nature turned me off and had me running the
other way.
I spent much of the
day doing research on story structure instead. Until the late afternoon, early
evening, when I had a surprise date. A lovely gentleman who is enduring a
long-term partner separation in much the same way that I am. He came over and
we deconstructed The Shining. It was WONDERFUL. It was so much fun to do the
work with a partner than it was to work alone.
Afterwards we
retired to my room for some serious snuggles.
But, alas, it is not
meant to be. With his upcoming work/school schedule, it will be impossible for
him to maintain any kind of a regular thing in that vein.
I'm not as sad over
him as I am over Foxtrot. I didn't have enough time to really form an
attachment there.
--
I'm still angry over
the fresh PTSD.
I'm sorry to say
that anger came to the surface with Bran again today. I didn't come down very
hard on him. I was more sharing my displeasure over the fact that there is even
any PTSD there at all. Not to mention the subsequent trust issues that have developed
between me and him.
He launched right
into MY mistakes in the past.
I realized after our
conversation that we had accidentally descended into 'score keeping' again.
I've sent him an apology note. He's read it, but he hasn't replied.
--
I have a lead on
another possible Story Structure Study/Cuddle Buddy.
Will keep you
posted.
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