... it hurts, but I kinda like it.

I've pretty much always had a thing for Bad Ass Women.

Growing up I shipped Xena and Gabby before I even knew what shipping was.

Corinna (Cory) Everson had the body that I wanted, but I think I was a little bit into her too. That was before I really understood that I was bi.

I had a thing for Raye Hollitt too. She was Zap on American Gladiators.

In my later years, yeah, I was a lot more comfortable with my girl crushes on women who could clearly hold their own. I don't want to say that it was because they were masculine because that wasn't it.

But they were definitely ripped.

And yet, they were still feminine.

They had all these beautiful muscles, and yet they still had that predatory grace that made them wild women.

They were Amazons.

Katee Sackhoff as Starbuck comes to mind.

Fuck me.

Starbuck still gets me hot as hell…

...I'm telling you all of this for one specific reason...

I want you to imagine what it's doing to me, nearly every morning when I'm treated to update pictures from my beloved Cuddle Crush as she is moving forward on her own fitness goals.

My girl is an Amazon, and true to form, she is striving to have the body of one.

I get pictures of her while she's still in her gear and flexing her muscles... and then I get pictures of her as she's down to skin after...

She takes my breath away...

... no, literally. I actually forget to breathe.

She makes my heart ache as my hands ball up into fists because they're not touching her. She makes my pussy clench and causes other reactions as well.

She's torturing me on purpose.

Ye godz...

... it hurts, but I kinda like it.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Spoons -  These have been in extremely short supply lately. It seems as if I'm in a new phase of emotional overwhelm every day that I'm free enough to try to get on top of the housework.

I feel so useless most of the time.

Physical Health / Self-Care:

It’s probably about time I chimed in on these.

- Blood Sugar -  Really normal lately. All good.

- INR -  Also good lately. Still not sure why I need so much rat poison, but something must be up.

- Blood Pressure - To be honest, I stopped checking. I stopped getting light headed and that was good enough for me.

- Nervous System -  We’re back to our normal bi-weekly pattern. The body seems to be holding the adjustments well.

Family:

- Metal-AF -  Not much in the way of updates here. We're sort of in a holding pattern until we get to spend time with each other again, and then I'll gush the fuck out of him for a few days before I settle back into my pain loop/survival mode.

I need to remember to talk to my Caseworker about moving.

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -

  - Cuddle Crush -   So, my beloved girl tortures me with pics of how ripped she's getting... and I don't have much I can do in response. Sometimes I send her great lesbian artwork when I can find it, but my usual recourse is to send her pics of me while I'm getting naked and wet.

Both kinds of naked and wet.

She loves it.

But, I still feel like she has the upper hand.

--

Yeah... she definitely has the advantage over me. I'm nothing compared to how gorgeous she is.

Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - Cain -  He gets the naughty pics now as well.  :)

I hope Cuddle Crush doesn't mind, but Cain likes a little teasing too.

I'm finally starting to get him so worked up that he's making plans to come see me, but I have a feeling this will need to be more of a spontaneous thing. He's going to need me to get him all worked up at a time when we're both free and then he can just drive over and ravish me senseless.

We're both in total agreement about 'no mercy' when it comes to the sex.

We both need it too.

I really can't wait to make this happen.

I'm looking forward to exploring the D/s too, but I have a feeling that the good, hard fucking will need to be dealt with before I can expect his mind to function on any other level.

I'm okay with this.

This little one needs her Daddy.

Friends:

  - Rabbit -  We still have plans for tomorrow.

Co-Healer stuff.

I'm on the fence about some things.

I know he really wants to take this to more of a physical/romantic relationship and I'm not sure if I want to go there with him. As previously stated, he's not my type.

But, he's going to be helping me with my back problems... so, that might wake up some things in me, which I'm honestly hoping for.

He needs some loving touch.

I'm just not sure about all the kissing that he’s expressed interest in.

Bear was super kiss aggressive and I actually hated that part about him. So, I think I've just got some Bad JuJu to work out here.

I'll talk with Rabbit about Bear. If I explain what happened with Bear, I think he'll understand my hesitancy with him.

End Notes:  

Bran is leaving again tonight. This time it’s with no clue on when or if he’ll ever come back.

This fucking sucks.

I need more people.