She makes me giddy with delight.

I haven't opened with Twitterpated in a while.

I'm still just as besotted as ever, so it's not like anything has changed. I do think we've both grown some, though.

I've evolved steadily into being both more impatient and patient at the same time.

My soul aches for her, wants her, needs her. I crave her touch so badly that it twists my heart up in thorns that I don't have her yet. She keeps saying soon... but, when soon doesn't happen, the word begins to lose meaning.

At the same time, I've settled down my fears and my insecurities a lot. She's helped me quite a bit with that too. I used to hold it all in and just agonize over it until I finally broke and told her what was worrying my mind so much. She was always so gentle and reassuring, every time. So loving, and caring, and so understanding.

Then I'd feel like kind of a turd for not just coming to her sooner.

I'm so fucking glad that I grew out of that phase. Not only am I less prone to such insecurities, I know I can always go to her and ask for reassurance if I really need it.

Now add in the three little words?

These words 'because you're mine' are the reason she can't come to me yet.

There have been some shifts and a lot of doors have opened for my beloved Cuddle Crush, but that door remains closed. It will require someone else to have a much more serious paradigm shift in order to get it to open.

I'm not going to lie. That one reads as a titch toxic to me. It feels to me as if my gorgeous girl's heart is being held, hostage. Demanding something that I would never be inclined to give in the first place. So, in that regard, it's pure emotional blackmail.

'Because you're mine' is also Cuddle Crush's way of protecting me from that situation. For which I am exceptionally grateful. She knows my girl troubles. She knows that she's the only woman for me.

‘Because your mine.’

There's also the possessive element too.

'Mine'

(squirm)

The things that one word does to me.

I've explained to her how much I love that word, especially when it comes to possessiveness during sex. I love that sense of being taken and fully owned by someone. No one's ever really been good at it, though.

Somehow, I don't think she's going to have even the slightest problem with it.

Which again brings us back to the Fated Mate and the Alpha thing... how I was set aside just for her. How it was always her, I just hadn't met her yet. In my submissive state, I've always belonged to only her.

I'm hers.

And she's claimed me now.

That makes me feel so warm, and safe, and loved, and cherished, and adored, kissed all over.

She makes me giddy with delight.

She twitterpates the fuck outta me.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Therapy -  Metal-AF should be here soon. I can't wait for Valkyrie to meet him!!

Family:

- Bran -  Two days of movies, salmon, and gourmet chocolates? Never let it be said that this man doesn't care about me.

Yesterday morning he came to bed just as I was finishing up the blog. He stayed asleep until I started to get tired and needed to go down for my nap.

Resting, I always think about things. My thoughts went to the Blue Falcon and the tears started to come.

Bran noticed.

I got cuddled.

He didn't run the opposite way of my pain. He cuddled me.

Progress.

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -

  - Cuddle Crush -   She's becoming a good Domestic Goddess on top of her other talents. Her people greatly appreciate the love that she's showing them. I'm so fucking happy for her.

I just wish she could get away for a little bit and come to me.

I would like it if she could take a vacation from her house and come stay with me for a few days while Bran is away. Hopefully, some time with a Tuesday in there.

Wouldn't that be lovely?

I still try to think about her the most when I curl up and try to nap.

(long sigh)

I wish soon would come sooner, you know?

Cuddles

  - Metal-AF -  Very soon. Which is why I have to wrap p and be in the shower.

Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - TCN:Oliver - He tapped in just a little to tell me he felt like a zombie all day. Didn't clarify if it was 'long day' tired or 'still sick'/'not enough sleep' tired. Or all of the above.

It's good that he taps in, though. I like it that he still lets me know that he's there even if it's just a little itty bitty tap.

It's still something.

That really means a lot to me right now.

End Notes:  

I’m so glad that I have Metal-AF to take away the hurt from the Blue Falcon today.

I wish I had my Cuddle Crush, though, too.