... no longer walking this world alone...

I've been a real ass to myself lately.

Once again, The option for going to bed at a reasonable hour is more than there. I've solved my intimacy issue problem and I have Metal-AF to back me on that any time I need him to.

However, instead of actually going the fuck to bed. Now I'm still staying up until 1-2, sometimes even 3 in the morning on these manic searches for artwork. Sifting through hundreds of images for the good ones that I haven't saved already.

This shit's gotten out of hand.

Am I still avoiding something?

Or is this my little bit of OCD kicking in and saying 'you can't stop until you've finished this entire run of searches?'

Maybe it's a little bit of both?

I think this is probably an excellent opportunity to test Metal-AF's 'probing questions' skills. He's seen Valkyrie do it with me and he's experienced me using the technique on him.

So, if I am still avoiding something... well, he can help me dig it out and we can figure it out together.

Heh...

Oh wow...

I didn't expect that.

That felt really good to say that.

There was still the underlying sense of 'you shouldn't bother him' and 'you should be strong enough to sort out your own bullshit', but they were instantly quelled by the knowledge that Metal-AF would be offended as hell if I didn't come to him with this.

He would want me to include him in this process.

I just felt myself get all warm.

You can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to truly know that you're no longer walking this world alone...

... wow...

... that feels really good.

Mental Health / Self-Care:

- Spoons -  I may get shit done today.

I stayed up until 2 am.

I may have fucked myself up on this one.

Physical Health / Self-Care:

- Blood Sugar -  116

- INR -  2.2

- Blood Pressure - 111/80

Basically, I'm dead center normal on the vitals. All meds, diet, exercise, and weight loss are working together and I'm pretty healthy right now, despite being as overweight as I am.

Sweeties:

- AmbiguSweeties -

  - Cuddle Crush -  I keep surprising myself on this whole brat thing.

Last night as I was sifting through artwork I came across a couple of super cute brats. And then I hit the motherload on a character from some Manga (I think) but, she's just a really iconic image of a perfect brat.

I know nothing about the character, but she just reads as brat to me.

It's still pretty amazing, this revelation of what Cuddle Crush needed from me. That she didn't need me to disrespect her. She just needed me to be mercilessly annoying about trying to turn her on.

OMG... that's totally me... I'm totally good at that.

Fuck.

I just love her so much.

My body has been on fire lately too. Ohhh... We're back into the hardcore twitterpated where she's all I think about again. I'm stuck in this endless loop of craving her touch so badly that I'm near constantly squirming with this heat in my core.

I have this burning, unsatisfied lust that just needs her to satisfy it.

I really don't know what to do here.

I'm so sexually super-charged that I'm in that dark place of almost folding enough to seek that comfort elsewhere. Just to take the edge off. And yet, I know that won't satisfy me and I'd only regret not saving myself for her.

It will just be better if I wait.

Uncomfortable, but better.

Cuddles

  - Metal-AF -  I have to admit. I'm REALLY looking forward to taking this next step with my beautiful Wonder Twin.

I'm totally in love with the notion of us standing side by side and facing one of my issues together.

This... process of mine... I'm so used to doing it alone.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm fucking GOOD at this. I've streamlined my process down to the point where it only takes me 3-4 days for me to dig in the right place and find the root of my issue.

Then I pluck that slippery little mother-fucker right out of the ground and kill it with fire!! (that's the fun part! *wicked grin*)

But, to have a steady soundboard. To always know that I have someone to talk to who won't feel burdened by my problems. To have someone who is just as comfortable getting his hands dirty right next to me.

Someone who will stab that squirmy little shit with a barbeque fork and hold it up while I torch the hell out of it.

Fuck YES!

I could really get used to this 'not alone' thing!

--

It goes both ways, though, you know?

He's got his own Charlie's Angels worth of problems.

I'm there for him too.

--

It's funny how many people can't get over the fact that we're not fucking, nor do we ever intend to.

"Eewww! Twincest! Gross! Who do you think we are? The Lanisters?"

LOL.

Potential(s) [TCN =Temporary Code Name]

 - TCN:Oliver - The poor sweetheart is in for a dental exam today and he has severe dental anxiety, just like me. Then, to top it off, the waiting room is showing a procedural video of the excruciating process he's about to have done, and that's giving him a panic attack.

Oh... ugh... I just want to be there to hold his hand and project calm for him.

I know he'll be okay, but you know how protective I can be.

End Notes:  

I’m not even done with coffee and I already want a nap.

I should have just set things to let me sleep in an hour today… but that wouldn’t have worked because Bran had to get up for work.

Also… my body woke me up at 7:45 anyway.

So, my circadian rhythm still gets me up on time… I just can’t seem to get to bed on time!

BUT! You know how I'll listen to my Calendar/To-Do List - I have 'decent bedtime' set in now. So, that should help.

I just need to kick my own ass a bit on this one.