So, I think I kinda
screwed up.
I'm considering it a
learning opportunity.
If I would have HELD
OFF and met with Rain on Thursday, I would have had more 'hours' with him. I
also would have gotten one hell of a massage from the Giver last night.
But, instead, I got
greedy. I wanted Rain. And I wanted him NOW. And I got him. But only for a very
short time before he had to jet off again.
Still… it was
awesome.
Look, it's INR day,
so I need to be showered and ready to be out the door soon. And my chapter 8 is
DEMANDING it's attention. So I'm making this quick, okay?
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - Had
great chats with both Valkyrie and Bubbles yesterday. I saw Bubbles first.
We're going to try Trazodone for sleep. I used to take that ages ago and it
worked, but then when I tried it after my gastric bypass it gave me really bad
vertigo. I'm hoping for the best this time.
After my visit with
Bubbles, she went to check and see if Valkyrie was already open, she was. I
walked right into her office, all smiles and said "What's up,
bitch!". She just laughed her ass
off.
Yeah. Once I figured
out that it was the weight loss medication giving me the depression. I was on
top of it. There was no way I was going to let a tiny little pill beat me. LOL.
We talked about
everything. Including my Anti-PTSD dream, which she was AMAZED by! She says
that my subconscious is healing!! I agree!
She also pointed out
that despite his age. Rain is actually turning out to be one of the most stable
of my sweeties. I mean, we all know I'm losing the Blue Falcon eventually. But,
Rain might decide to stick around for a good long while. We don't really know.
She's encouraging me
to move forward with Rain.
Her only worry
regarding our age difference is that I never carded him, because prison is a
real thing. (I hope he's legal… omg…
because the damage is sooooo already done)
Anyway, yes, my own
therapist agrees with me that turning Rain away would be age discrimination.
Her other thought:
what if I end up being the one that hurts Rain?
Who, wha, how, wha?
What if Rain ends up
wanting more of a relationship from me than I can give him because I'm already
fully taken by Bran?
Ugh…
I didn't consider
that.
And it would suck
major ass.
I’m NOT going to put
myself in an anxiety tizzy about it, though!!
That's the OPPOSITE
of what Rain would want for me.
SEE, here's the
deal.
Depression is
dwelling too much on the past.
Anxiety is worrying
too much about the future.
Rain wants me to do
NEITHER.
The only thing Rain
wants me to do, especially when I'm with him, is be mindful and present in the
moment.
He's perfect.
- Writing - Chapter
8 is expanding on Daniel's back story.
Do six year old boys
get boners?
- Sleep /
Fitbit - I woke up a full hour before the alarm this morning. Just
really aware that I have a LOT to get to today. So, I'm not expecting much from
the report, but here goes: 7 hours, 54 minutes, 1x awake, 11x restless, total
of 21 minutes awake/restless. WHAT!! I only lost a total of about 20 minutes?!
FUCK ME!! THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
- Fur-babies -
Just the one visit from Dreamy yesterday.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Caffeine -
Keeping it to 3 today
- INR - Test
today, report tomorrow.
- Nervous
System - Skipping this week
- Yoga /
Movement Goals - LOL, yeah right.
- Inflammation
- I made lentils and rice. All I have to do is melt cheese in it and it's the
most anti-paleo thing I could ever eat.
- Weight
Management - The new med seems to be working. I don't get hungry until really
late in the day, but then I can't stop eating… we remain hopeful.
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - He
called last night while I was with Rain.
LOL.
I was actually
naked, cuddling, and stroking Rain's hard cock while I was on the phone with
Bran.
Yes, it was awkward.
Bran still doesn't
know if he's coming home sooner rather than later.
I'm erring on the
side of broken and predicting later. That way I can be pleasantly surprised if
he just shows up in my parking lot.
I have a lot of
confidence in us though.
We've weathered some
pretty impressive storms.
I think our love is
strong enough to get through this one.
- The Unicorn -
Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
- Recent
Encounters - See Below: RE: Rain
- Updates on
Favorites -
- Blue Falcon -
Nothing new to report.
- Rain -
- 1) good company: I was totally in small talk mode, telling him
about the effects of the new medication, when he rushed into my arms and shut
me the fuck up with the most intensely long hug in the history of intensely
long hugs. This was followed by some long and wonderful kisses too.
After we retired to
the snuggle chamber I was downloaded with some minor details on how busy he's
been lately. That's when it struck me. He did it again. His first 'free moment'
I was his first thought, again.
Do you have any idea
how that makes me feel?
Just knowing that
the second he's 'not busy' his first thought is me.
My heart just
bursts.
I told him how
flattered that made me feel. He said that he _could_ fill that time with
something/someone else. But, that time wouldn't include a) snuggles, or b)
Supernatural.
I got so giddy I
squee'd.
- 2) good conversation: We talked a little bit about things on
his end. But nothing in too great of detail. Same thing with things on my end.
Any time I try to pry him for information, he gives curt responses. Any time I
try to open up about things he burns the fuck out of that hydra.
He shuts me the fuck
up with wonderful kisses and getting us both naked.
The rest of the time
our conversations revolve around inappropriate things we've shown each other on
YouTube. LOL. We already have some of our 'couples' inside jokes. Like if we're
ever in a room full of people, he can just look at me and say "Peppermint
Dickables", and I'll say "Little Timmy", and we'll just bust out
laughing while everyone else exchanges WTF looks.
- 3) good snuggles: OMG… I have no words… He holds me so tight.
He kisses me on the forehead. He just loves being close to me and I love being
close to him. It's like an addiction. Just a few seconds in his arms is like
opiate grade pain reliever. We both tried to say we should stop and grab the
chromebook so we could get started, but we literally could not let each other
go.
I need that.
Bran likes to be the
little spoon. And then he farts on my leg. Any time I try to get him to hold
me, he never seems to take it seriously. It's not the heart centered holding
that I need.
Rain is pure heart
centered holding.
It's so healing
being with him.
So, I say again, who
wouldn't love him for that?
Who can blame me for
falling in love with the guy who gives me what I need?
Yeah, he's young.
But, he's also
beautiful, and perfect, and fuck you.
- 4) good sex: Yes. He's also gentle. But, with him I don't mind.
His kisses are so passionate and he's blessed with a beautiful and large cock
that barely takes a normal condom. He feels amazing inside me. He was able to
find a positon that tagged my G-spot just right and that got some pretty
intense moans out of me. But, it's the way he kisses me when he's inside me.
That's what I love the most.
My hips didn't get
tired this time. He wore out before I did. Then I tried to give him some head
and I wore out before he did.
Then, just because I
really needed him to cum, I asked him to make himself cum in my mouth.
It took some doing.
He takes a lot of work, which is fine, I’m the same way. But eventually he
fucked my mouth enough that he was able to cum down my throat and it was
wonderful.
But, that also made
him late leaving me so he had to run. Thankfully the nearest Uber was like a
block away.
I can't wait to see
him again.
It never feels like
enough.
I bet I could spend
a week with Rain and still not feel like it was enough.
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - No word from the Giver. I'm worried I've offended him by having
to reschedule. :(
- The Hopefuls
- Woke up to a long note from Friday this morning. He and his girlfriend
have had another nasty fight. He swears it wasn't about me. But, given the
context of it being about a past encounter of his… it feels like it kinda was.
I did my best to help. It sounds like his girlfriend has some 'open
relationship bad juju' that she's working through. So, I'm coaching him on
emotional validation and hoping that I can minimize any damage that I bring to
their relationship before it happens.
I'm a bit worried,
though.
If she's got bad
juju, then it doesn't matter what I do to try to soothe her. She'll eventually
pull him back to her.
Key words.
Don't get
emotionally attached.
- Honorable
Mentions - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Former
Sweeties:
- Jasper - We
had a nice long talk last night, and I broke two rules with him. But, within
the context of those rules, I don't think I could be blamed.
He was telling me
about a recent sexual encounter that really hurt his feelings. I told him not
to focus on the women who couldn't see what he had to offer. And then I came
clean with him about how hard I cried when I realized I was going to have to
give up the sex with him.
He apologized for
having put me through that, and again, stated that sex might very well still be
on the table for us. It's just a matter of him getting away long enough to come
and see me.
We'll see.
We talked a little
bit about our friendship and how I always make him feel better. I mentioned
again that I'll never give up on him. And then I broke the second rule and I
sent him that Three Days Grace song (I'll Never Give Up on You). I told him
that's my song for him.
He agreed that it's
a great song and told me that he feels honored.
I hope so.
I do love Jasper
too.
Jasper showed me
something that I needed to be shown.
If it hadn't been
for Jasper, I wouldn't have realized just how badly I needed a lover who could
hold me down and mean it.
I owe him for that.
End Notes:
Not a lot in closing
today. Just that I'm having a good morning, but I do have to run. I want to get
going on my chapter 8. Okay?
Much love!!
