This isn't going to
be your standard update. And I'm just trying to write it all while it's still
fresh, but I know I'm going to miss some things.
Rain…
Fuck me…
I haven't felt this
way about anyone in a really long time.
I mean, don't get me
wrong. There've certainly been times when I've grown emotionally attached to
someone way to hard and way too fast. There've certainly been times where large
portions of my survivability hinged on such a person. Yes… this is a thing I
do. We all know this.
We also all know how
dangerous it is for me to love someone this much.
But… Rain knows how
I feel about him. He's read my blog. He knows I hold nothing back here. He's
fully aware of my level of clingy and he's not running away from it. If
anything, he encourages it!
He enjoys the social
interaction with me. To be honest, I don't know why, but that's just my BPD
anti-self-worth talking. He enjoys my company. Enough said. He doesn't love me
back and I don't need him to. I just need him to never stop holding me the way
he holds me and to never stop kissing me the way he kisses me.
Okay… so…
He's been away this
whole past week. Since the day after our first date. But, we've been in contact
literally every day. He boosts my self-esteem and my courage by telling me that
I deserve to be celebrated and treated well. Ye Gods, what a sweetheart.
Today was his ONLY
day off, after being away doing something that was very physically and mentally
challenging. This should have been the day that he collapsed into bed and slept
for 20 hours. But, no. He decided to spend five of those hours with me.
He showed up just a
little after 11 am. We hugged for a really… really long time. Almost like we
were drowning and our arms around each other was our only source of fresh air.
Then we kissed a bit. We skipped the living room entirely and went straight to
the snuggle bed. Curling up against each other. I just love the feeling of his
arms around me.
We pulled the
chromebook up and spread it across our laps and just kept out arms wrapped
around each other while we watched the Supernatural episode titled Home. I have
been going easy on Rain. I try not to pummel too much of Supernatural season
against him.
After that we took a
break and we exchanged a favorite YouTube video each. Then we skipped Asylum
and Scarecrow and only watched about the first 20 minutes of Faith. We took it
all the way up to the introduction of the reaper (because I know that's important)
but I explained the rest and we decided to exit out of that episode.
Then he suggested
'fun' and of course, I agreed.
You know how much I
enjoy cock worship. So, I did the thing where I made out with his cock until my
jaw got sore. Then there was kissing and caressing while clothing was shed.
I taught him how to
find a G-Spot. *winx*
He's amazing… So
incredibly passionate. Easily one of the best kissers I've ever encountered.
He's very partner pleasure focused in that way. And, yes, he licked my pussy a
little bit. It's okay that he doesn't do it for very long since it doesn't work
on me the way it works on most women. That stupid hypersensitive clit of mine.
I just love it that I can taste myself on his lips when he kisses me after.
Ye gods… I love the
way he kisses.
One other thing I
love about Rain is that he can tell when my right hip is starting to get
uncomfortable. And he will always suggest we switch to something with me face
down so I can ease the strain up off of it.
One thing that could
be better is that he's still a little too gentle with me.
I think it's going
to take some time for me to convince him that he won't break me.
But, you know what?
Slow and sweet really works for me when it's with him. He's not boring at all
and I do love the way he can read my comfort levels.
So, we did the face
down a little bit and then I'm not sure what happened. He suggested taking a
break… and the break lasted until the end of his visit. I'm _totally_ okay with
this. I greatly enjoy the sex with Rain, but that's not where our relationship
is focused. It's not fuck buddies or friends with benefits where he's gone as
soon as the sex is done. It's 'we have a little fun' and then we just go right
back to the snuggles.
I can genuinely feel
how much he enjoys having me in his arms.
Oh… my heart just
swells.
Good snuggles are SO
HARD TO FIND… and his naked snuggles are simply the best.
I told him that.
"You're the
best," I said.
"No, you
are," he said.
He just makes me
feel so fucking special.
He makes me feel
cherished and adored.
So… it was more
naked snuggles and more Supernatural.
We skipped Route
666. We watched Nightmare. We skipped The Benders.
Then we finished
with watching both Shadow AND Hell House!!
YES!! We fucking
made it all the way up to introducing those guys… THE guys. The one's I’m not
going to mention by name because I know Rain reads this thing and SPOILER FREE
IS THE WAY TO BE!!
I just looked at the
list, and if we skip the other two episodes that I feel are skipable, then in
under 3 hours we should finish out season one!
Then it was time for
him to go. And he was pretty much doing the Minnesota goodbye with his arms
around me.
"Okay,"
he'd say pulling his arms away, and then I'd start to move to get up and then
his arms would suddenly be around me again. He even said the words "I
don't want to let you go."
So amazing.
We did finally get
him on his way and we both said we'll do it again.
I just want to put
one last thing in perspective here.
It was his ONLY day
off, and he spent a considerable chunk of it naked with his arms wrapped around
me and giving me the one thing I've been fantasizing over for years.
He gave me my
Supernatural snuggle buddy.
I have no words for
how wonderful that makes me feel.
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