Ascending Shadows...

So, here it is… the first blog entry that's going fully public. - Granted, I haven't been really hiding this. Anyone who cared got the link to it. But, I never get comments here, so I not expecting a huge following.

And that's that. Nuff said.

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Okay… so where are we with things today?

I finally got back to normal yesterday. Blood Moon's are a bitch!

Rain still spooks the crap out of me.

Cookie checked in on me.

Jasper kinda pissed me off.

There are some new connections that I'm feeling a bit hopeful about.

Normally I have one over-arching theme to open with… something that I'm worried or excited about… but today is a jumble/blur. So, I guess I better just get to it.

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Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - I've been keeping a private journal for mental health reasons for well over a year now. I don't remember when I started cross-posting that to my Cthulhu Catharsis Blog. But, for the most part I kept these entries to more of an 'invite only' kind of status. Anyone who cared or took an interest was given the link.

But, then when I started posting Torvus to Scribophile, I changed my Scrib profile to include the link to CC. So, again, this wasn't exactly 'hidden'. But, I wasn't calling direct attention to it either.

But, now that I'm starting to develop more of a social media presence with Ascending Shadow again, I realized that maintaining content on AS was going to be an issue.

It's hard enough to find the time to work on even one journal/blog entry. But trying to stay on top of another one is hours each day that I can't invest. And, to keep AS down to *just* writing related posts? Seriously, who gives a shit? Not only that, writing is my primary mode of therapy, so I'm always including an update on where I am with the writing here ANYWAY.

So, I agonized.

What to do? What to do?

Make CC public?

 - or -

Waste hours each day trying to maintain a constant content presence on AS as well.

Luckily I had one more arrow in my quiver on that one. I'm acquainted with a woman on Scribophile who does psychic readings specifically for writers regarding their writing. So, I posed the question to her on whether or not I should integrate all of my writing identities under one Ascending Shadow banner. I'd already done it with Amanda and Jezzabeth, so why not add Imarii in there too?

Now, keep in mind, a psychic reading always needs to be taken with a certain level of discernment.

The whole purpose of seeking divination isn't about the reading making the hard decision for you. It's all about revealing your own hearts true desire to you. If you flip a coin and you're disappointed, then the other side was your answer all along. If you flip a coin and you're happy, then that was your true hearts desire all along.

My reading came back all aces on integrating my identities, and I was ecstatic.

So, there you have it. Here we are.

 - Writing - Ye Gods. I was FINALLY able to get back to writing yesterday. A few days ago, just as my Blood Moon was announcing it's presence, I made it about 2/3's of the way through my checklist before I hit a big goddess damned wall of 'I dun wanna!'. - So, I took a break and I bled.

I was able to finish my chapter 2 revisions yesterday and I'm hoping to make it to chapter 3 today, but I'm not going to push it. I also need to get my house back in order and take a shower.

 - Sleep - Went to bed early last night. Woke up before the alarm this morning (I think the sun rising earlier is the culprit here) BUT, I went back to sleep and locked down another couple of REM cycles while I waited for the alarm to go off. So, all in all, I feel caught up on sleep.

 - Fur-babies - Only one visit from Dreamy yesterday, and he kept pretty much to himself in my bedroom. So, I didn't even log that as a Cat Therapy in Daytum.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Managed to keep it down to only three cups today!!

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - He's been enjoying some down time. I've been getting regular pics of Mo again. -

"In the midnight hour, she cried Mo Mo Mo" - I'm sure you can figure out what Mo is, LOL.

Relationships / Sweeties:

 - Recent Encounters - Nothing new this week after Rain due to Blood Moon.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 NOTE: Jasper has been taken out of this section. And I'm holding out for a second date with Rain before he makes it here. There's nothing new with the Blue Falcon, but I did send him a text this morning. He's fine, just busy. This is normal for him.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers -

 - Cookie - So, I don't want to say the text I got last night was a panic text or anything. But, I'd gone dark on Cookie because of the Blood Moon. So, I did get a 'Hey! Where'd you go?' - which I quickly replied to and explained.

I want to say that it felt really good that Cookie missed me enough to check in with me. I get the sense that Cookie needs some loyalty in his world AND he's been dealing with some long distance heart break too. So, I'm glad that Cookie is still around and that he's not ghosting me like so many others have. Quite the opposite, in fact. He was worried about me ghosting him!!

 - Rain - Seriously! WHAT THE FUCK!!??!!

Every day, he tells me that he can't wait to see me again. That he will _make_ time for me.

Honestly, this is killing me.

I don't know what's in this for him. I just know that he likes me and he likes my company.

I find it hard to believe that such a beautiful creature is starved for any kind of social contact. But, maybe this has something to do with him being a survivor too? Maybe he's starved for some sort of 'meaningful' social contact. Someone who's not just a gaming or a party buddy. Something deeper that involves honest and open conversation.

*shrug* I really don't know.

I just know that I love him and that he makes me smile.

He's been keeping my mind off of Jasper. And, therefore, Rain has also been keeping that auger out of my chest. He's pretty effectively filled that hole in my heart.

You probably have no idea how much I appreciate that.

 - The Hopefuls -

 - # 1 - Okay, so WHILE I was knocked down by the Blood Moon, I was chatted up by a respectful gentleman who lives kind of far away, but will be visiting the cities soon during his spring break.

He sent up literally ZERO red flags with me. So, I knew there was a strong possibility of something being there. Some sort of possible connection. But I was so wiped out that I could barely even carry on much of a conversation with him.

Well, we finally got to talking yesterday, and we're a solid match. Intimacy, relationships, D/s… across the board. He's an ideal candidate for a sweetieship. I'll be sure to keep you updated.

 - #2 - This one I'm less sure about.

Don't get me wrong, he's CUTE AS FUCK, but he also seems kinda immature just yet. There've been a few red flags in terms of my worry that he'd be a selfish lover. But, he's quickly quelled them.

The read I get is that he's super horny and needs to get fucked.

I think he'll be a one timer.

Still worth it.

Relationships / Heart Breakers:

 - Jasper - Remember when I said I wouldn't give up on Jasper?

I didn't lie.

I'm still his friend and I always will be. I even asked him for a little help writing the character of Daniel's favorite grandfather. He'll get to me when he gets to me.

But, here's the thing, not giving up on someone doesn't in any way prevent them from giving up on me.

I've vowed to myself that I will walk the fuck away when that happens.

Jasper and I aren't likely to remain lovers. He has other lovers to choose from now and he doesn't need me in that respect anymore. Not only that, I can't tolerate the idea of hurting him by making him miss HLS more.

BESIDES

I have the Blue Falcon, Cookie, and Rain now.

In truth, I don't really need Jasper either.

I loved him because he understood where I sit with Bran right now.

I loved him MORE because of the way he held me down and fucked the snot outta me.

I can find this with others.

I'll always care for him as a friend, but that's all it can ever be. It's all he would ever want it to be. I don't even thing that Jasper needs me. So, fine, what the fuck, whatever.

I'm not burning the bridge. But I'm not going to be the one making the journey every time either.

Maybe he'll tap in. Maybe he won't.

I'll be fine either way.

Yeah, I’m a little angry, but we all know that Angry is just Hurt's bodyguard.

Time and distance.

I'll heal.

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Done…

If anyone has actually read this, please feel free to comment. I'd love to hear some thoughts. Or even just get a 'Hi!'

Take care, everyone.

~~