Cramps be DAMNED!

Woke up before the alarm again…

I don't know what it is lately.

Most mornings I'm excited to get out of bed because 'coffee'. Now, I'm just excited to get out of bed. It's like I actually WANT to face the day. Especially the writing. I need to see where my story is going. I need to see if it's working. I need to keep the expansions ahead of my current beta readers.  :)

It's officially day two of the blood moon. So, I'm doing my best to stay ahead of the cramps long enough to get the days work on the story done.

Wish me luck!

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - Between the writing and the gaming, I feel like I’m so on top of my therapies right now.

Also, my additional smiles are very much Rain and Friday related. Rain gives me something really positive to reflect on. I'm really looking forward to seeing him again. Friday should be interesting. I probably won't be done bleeding, but I somehow doubt that will be a problem for him.

I don't know.

I guess I just have so much hope right now.

There's just so much that's going well.

 - Writing - I'm working on chapter 8 today. FUCK YOU CRAMPS!!

 - Sleep / Fitbit - 8 hours, 16 minutes, 3x awake, 13x restless, total of 38 minutes awake/restless. This also included getting up for a water refill in the middle of the night. All in all, it wasn't quite the 'full hour' of missed sleep that I usually get, and it was made up for by the extra 16 minutes over the 8 hours. I did go to bed a little early last night.

I wonder if I should start ramping back my bedtime to 10:30?

Hmm…

We'll see.

The Trazodone should hit in the mail either today or tomorrow. So, we'll see.

 - Fur-babies - Both Dreamy and Splotches came to visit yesterday. I was deep in the gaming. Dreamy won't come up into my lap unless it's empty and he has a solid invitation. He doesn't like me touching anything but him when he's with me. Not my camera, not even the remote. So, needless to day, as I was gaming yesterday (I was in a group thing and couldn't step away from my team) he just laid in his chair and purred at me.

Splotches, on the other hand, could care less. Hopped right up and laid on my mousing arm. Twice.

Then the second time he got down he made hairball noises. But, thank goodness, nothing came up.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - Feel confident keeping it to 3 today.

 - INR - 3.4 - that's high, but not high enough to need extra needles in my veins

 - Nervous System - skipped yesterday

 - Yoga / Movement Goals - You know what? I’m just going to take this out. It's not happening. So, fuck it.

 - Inflammation - Meh.

 - Weight Management - Hunger seems to be under better control.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I have no idea what the fuck is going on.

As shitty as I've felt for the last MONTH or more? I'm suddenly BACK.

It's like I even trust him and love him again.

What the fuck?

Seriously.

What the actual fuck?

Where the hell is that coming from?

Could it be the anti-PTSD dream?

Valkyrie noted that a dream like that means that REAL HEALING is taking place SOMEWHERE inside me.

So… the writing? The gaming? The sweeties? All the things I've been doing for my mental health? They're all paying off, one way or another?

I don't know what it means.

But…

Remember the rules?

Both the good times and the bad times come and go. The wheel always turns. The trick is never to unpack your bags at either the top or the bottom.

There will be another downswing.

This upswing is answering the most recent downswing.

Eventually a downswing will answer this upswing…

It happens. It's normal.

Everything is okay.

 - The Unicorn - Still haven't heard back from JerkDad on when he's going to come pick up her charger.

Fucker.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

 - Recent Encounters - So, my 'date' for last night never even said 'hi' to me yesterday. So, whatever, I've written him off. I don't need that kind of negativity. I have my period anyway.

I have Friday to look forward to.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - He tapped in last night. Mentioned that he feels like he wants to 'ditch' movie night. I was confused. He hadn't mentioned a movie night.

Okay, so, apparently he HAD. I just wasn't paying the right kind of attention. Because I'm flighty like that. He's the host of a movie night, so he feels it's his responsibility to keep the group together.

However, this movie night is happening on the 2nd. Right where I'm going to need him the most because the 2nd and the 3rd are the dates of the anniversary I'm missing with Bran.

The Blue Falcon was saying that he wanted to ditch his friends and spend that time with me. And I was all: "Or, I could pop extra popcorn if you don't mind having someone bat shit crazy around your friends."

LOL

And then I find out that this group is all online. And, all he'd have to do is bring his laptop to my place and he could still snuggle with me and host movie night with his group.

Heh!

Solutions, we find them.

 - Rain - I still can't stop smiling.

Even though we didn't have the 'quantity' of time together that I would have liked. And, no shame there. Remember, it could be a week and I'd still not feel it was enough? We definitely had the 'quality' of time together that I needed for a proper feed.

Relationships like Rain are what I need.

I'm so DONE with one-night-stands.

Yes, there could still be a line of dick around the block, but right now I don't care about that. Those are empty calories. I need substance. I need the kid of feed that will truly nourish me and keep me going.

Rain is that kind of feed.

BUT.

That means I still have to keep giving guys chances to make it into the sweeties or even the favorite sweeties clubs. So, I do have to keep that revolving door of dick spinning.

Meh…

We can hope, right?

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - I haven't heard a word from the Giver. I hope he's okay.  :(

 - The Hopefuls - FRIDAY!!! Ye Gods, I can't wait to feel someone going full Beast Mode on me.  :)

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - I'm still feeling pretty good over our most recent conversation.

Based on what he's said. Including the fact that he's seeing some other girls right now, even though none of those relationships are ideal, there's a likelihood that we're actually still in the sweetie camp.

I don't know. And we will have to see.

I think he's going to try to make it down to see me next week.

He did tell me what's good and what's missing in his current relationships and I couldn't help but notice that the 'good parts' are things that are 'good' with me, and the 'missing' parts are things that are 'NOT missing' with me.

So, I still think I could be good for him.

I know he's good for me if he's comfortable letting that beast out to play.

Again, we'll see.

I'm hopeful that Friday will be a 'sure thing' before I see Jasper again.

I want the reassurance of knowing that someone can be the beast that I need before I risk another emotional attachment with Jasper.

End Notes:

I feel like I need to be extra careful in holding back my emotional attachments with Friday. Originally I was getting the sense that I could just move forward. But, when he shared with me that his partner was still having trouble healing from his last experience with a Cougar… That's a pretty huge red flag.

Rule number one needs to always be 'don't get attached to the attached'.

Don't worry.

I'm being careful.