During my cuddle
date with Cookie, we both discussed how we'd wean ourselves from sending
messages to people if they seemed to not be responding. We've both gone through
the 'being ignored' thing. Or, at least, that's the way that we've felt
sometimes, and that's not always what's going on. The Blue Falcon, in
particular, has mentioned more than once that he's bad at responding to texts.
If anything, that's probably very closely linked to the Blue Falcon's autism.
If he's not physically connected to someone in some way (in person or over the
phone) he doesn't feel that connection and without it, he lets the conversation
drop. Whereas, me, I prefer text/messaging/email because they give me more time
to contemplate my answers as well as giving my poor memory a written record of
a conversation.
We all have our own
things…
So, that being said,
I did tap Gingersnap yesterday, without a reply. But, I'm also aware of things
happening on his end that are making his life very difficult for him right now.
So, I’m not holding that against him at all.
And speaking of
Cookie, he did tap in yesterday just to let me know that he had to go out of
town for work again, so there would be no further cuddle dates until next month
sometime. *nods* I'm okay with this.
Much to my surprise,
Jasper checked in yesterday. I'll update that in his section.
And don't worry,
I'll get to those updated bio's soon so you all can keep track of my boys. :)
So, the update then:
Mental Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Therapy - Got
a chance to lock down just a little bit of yarn therapy this morning. Got in
quite a bit of game therapy last night. I feel as on point with the therapy as
ever. So, no real complaints.
- Writing - The
plan is to do more of chapter 6 today. I'm getting a late start, though. I was
on the phone with Bran, mucking about with Thunderbird, and getting just a
little bit of cat cuddle in.
I received my first
email directly to my Ascending Shadow email address. And by email I mean NOT
SPAM. It's a legit author who’s looking for advanced readers willing to do an
Amazon review in exchange for a free copy of his upcoming book. The book is about
gaining Amazon reviews. Hell, I'm only in revision. No where near publishing or
needing reviews. So, I wrote back and asked if there was some other way I could
help.
Receiving the email
set me back a bit on time this morning, though. I realized I needed a separate
email client for reading and responding to Ascending Shadow emails. It’s been a
LONG time since I've set up Thunderbird. I forgot how complicated it can be.
But, I've got it working now. All is well.
- Sleep /
Fitbit - No complaints: 7 hours, 58 minutes, 2x awake, 15x restless. That's
a higher amount of restlessness for less sleep… *sigh* It could be better.
- Fur-babies - Really
short cuddle from Dreamy this morning. Sorry for the lack of pics. He doesn't
like it when I touch my phone.
Physical Health / Unfuck
Yourself:
- Caffeine -
Kept it to 3 today. Go me.
- Inflammation
- Going to try to pick up some turmeric tomorrow…
Relationships / Family:
- Bran - I
got to talk with him on the phone for a really long time this morning. He was
stuck in the car waiting for _her_. Some shit she had to do in a place that
doesn't allow cell phones to be brought in. So he had to wait in the parking
lot and just be a lump while she took care of what needed taking care of.
It was really nice
to talk to him, though.
It's not helping me
feel anything for him. But, it was nice. I don't think we'll have trouble
connecting when he finally comes home. It's going to be awkward at first. And
not in the endearing way. But, it's going to be a lot of 'autopilot' in our
relationship. Just going through the motions of being together while I feel
nothing for him.
I know I want to
give him the chance to make me fall in love with him again.
But, I'm acutely
aware of the fact that I might not.
That saddens me
deeply.
There's grief there.
Not the quick, sharp, stabbing pain of sudden loss. But the slow, dragging
throb of slowly falling out of love with someone.
He used to be the
only thing that kept me going.
He used to be my
rock. My standing stone. My one safe port in the raging storms.
And then he picked
her over me. Over and over again. The one person I trusted to always protect
me, didn't.
I forgive him.
But, I can't forget.
I will never forget.
- The Unicorn -
OSTARA!! I have her basket ready and I need to stuff eggs!! The hard
part is going to be waiting for her to fall asleep so I can do the setup.
She's 13 now… how
has she not figured out that Francess the Ostara Bunny doesn't exist?
Relationships / Sweeties:
[ If you're a reader and having
trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and
below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a
work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed,
don't worry, I'll get to you. ]
- Recent
Encounters - Nothing new to report.
- Blue Falcon -
He was on a date this weekend… I don't know yet if this means I’m losing
him as a lover soon. It would REALLY suck if I lost him before April 3rd. I
really need someone to get me through Bran missing our anniversary. The Blue
Falcon would have been the most reliable thing there… and now he might be gone
too.
- Rain - He
tapped in this morning. Which was wonderful. Ye Gods, I miss him so much. We
have plans for this upcoming Sunday. He'll be meeting the Unicorn. Should be
interesting.
Relationships / Potentials
and Honorable Mentions:
- The One
Timers - It was good to hear from Cookie. It's nice to know he's still
there. I’m hopeful about Gingersnap as well.
- The Hopefuls
- Nothing new to report.
- Honorable
Mentions - Nothing new to report.
Relationships / Former
Sweeties:
- Jasper - I
shared my concerns over Rain with Jasper. About the depth of the emotional
attachment and how I know it's not the best choice but my emotions are getting
away with me anyway.
He asked me what it
was about Rain that made me love him so much.
It's the comfort.
Rain comforts me.
I'm going through
something right now, where every day is pure agony, and Rain comforts me.
Who wouldn't love
the person who could take their pain away?
I'm happy to report
that I'm in a comfortable place with Jasper, finally. It's no longer like
taking an auger to the chest when I talk with him. We're friends.
Just, nice, sweet,
platonic friends.
I'm glad it doesn't
hurt anymore.
Yeah… and I have
Rain to blame for that too. Not in a bad way. Just the way that Rain takes my
pain away.
Again, who wouldn't
love someone who took away that kind of pain?
Can any of you
really blame me for not listening to my logic and loving him as much as I do
anyway?
Yeah, I'm going to
lose him someday too. But, for now I have to hold onto anything that keeps me
sane. And right now, that's him.
End Notes:
I need to wrap up…
Breakfast to eat and
work to do.
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