It IS the meds!!

Confirmed.

It's the meds making me feel this way. The soul crushing depression. The crying myself to sleep. It's probably going to have me in some strain of death spiral or painkiller loop.

It's okay.

I need this medication for what I need it for, and I've survived worse.

Okay.

So, now the hard part is the constant daily reminding myself of what I appreciate about Bran. That's all I have left to hold on to right now. Like, last week, when he made sure I got that pizza that I so desperately needed. He's great with the 'day to day' sort of 'little things'. And I need to focus there.

It's true.

I don't love him right now. I'm giving it a month after he gets back. I'm hoping that reestablishing daily contact and also the not sleeping alone will change that.

He hurt me.

He allowed her to hurt me.

He fucked up.

I forgive him.

I will never forget.

I will never trust him again.

I will never allow him to see me vulnerable again.

There's a system of checks and balances here.

I will appreciate him for what he is.

I will not resent him for what he isn't.

I'll find a sweetie that likes to do romantic things.

I'll find someone to ease the pain.

I'm not giving up on Bran.

I owe him that.