Is there such a thing as an anti-PTSD dream?

'Cause I think I just had one.

Finally, I had a dream where she wasn't still in the picture, but a 'just Bran and me' dream where she was very far in the rear view mirror.

Bran and I were together. We were tidying up our apartment and getting ready to head out. He wanted to buy me something as a token of his love. We almost got separated by the elevators, but he held the door open and made sure I stayed with him.

I've had enough dreams about my abandonment issues in my lifetime to know the symbolism there. Bran was making sure I stayed with him. He was making sure I was close.

We went to a fair, wandering through vendors until we found the one I was looking for. They had Native American related items. Handmade. I walked up and the woman looked up at me and said "I know who you are. I know what you need." 

She handed me a transforming trinket that told the story of the spirit of darkness and how it was always there as a friend and as a guide when someone was going through dark times. In their beliefs, dark times weren't seen as bad. They were seen as opportunities for rebirth and new growth. And yeah, they suck, but the dark one would help someone get through the worst of the suck.

Bran bought it for me.

And then the alarm went off.

That's the first time a dream like that has ever happened to me. Where it was everything good that I needed to happen and that I needed to hear. I even woke up feeling some of my love for Bran being restored.

It was like an anti-PTSD dream.

Now I don't just think I'm going to be okay.

I know it.

I’m not just 'saying' I'm going to be okay.

I really know that I am going to be okay.

Mental Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Therapy - The game therapy is really helping. I joined a much better guild with my reaper last night. Now I'm just hopeful that I'll find an in game husband, lol. This new guild is wonderfully helpful. The last guild I was in with her, they wouldn't even talk to me or answer any questions that I had. My reaper is pretty weak, but I have a battle plan on getting her stronger.

The hours on end of gaming right before bed MUST be helping. I mean, look at that dream!

 - Writing - Steadily plugging away on chapter six.

Received a new critique on chapter one. Not really dreading reading it. But, also not looking forward to agreeing with any suggested changes. I've worked so hard on the revision process! What if there's something major that I missed?!

MEH!

Crit-Fear.

The struggle is real.

 - Sleep / Fitbit - Despite that great dream… I guess the sleep wasn’t s bad either. 8 hours, 10 minutes, 2x awake, 17x restless, 36 minutes of that was awake and restless. When I got up in the middle of the night to get more water, I think.  I guess it almost doesn't suck.

 - Fur-babies - They visited while I was actively gaming in group events that required my attention, LOL. Splotches didn't care. He was all 'oh, you have a computer in your lap? How about I just lay down over your arms anyway?'

Dreamy was a little more upset that I didn't clear space for him, so he went and laid down on my bed. Then I was done with my group thing so I went to give him some pets and loves. He gave me many kitty kisses. All was well.

Both were ready to go home when Catmom returned for them.

Physical Health / Unfuck Yourself:

 - Caffeine - I’m keeping it to 3 today.

 - INR - High - Getting the blood to sort it out was a challenge though. I'm not needlephobic, but my veins are assholes. The poor girl had to poke me twice before she got the blood she needed out of me.

 - Nervous System - My right side muscles were really tight, but not a whole lot was wrong with my spine. I was surprised that my tailbone asked for an adjustment but my sphenoid didn't. The sphenoid is my favorite adjustment because it helps with emotional regulation, and we all know how badly I need that. So with this new med fucking with me, I'm really surprised that the sphenoid didn't request an adjustment as well.

The really good thing is that I seem to be staying in better balance. I can see my chiropractor every other week and be okay. That's a huge plus because the insurance companies don't get as squirrelly about shit like that.

Relationships / Family:

 - Bran - I haven't heard a peep out of him lately. And yeah, I know, It's his days off and he can't always get away to send me a message because she's around. But, fucker, you have a bathroom.

 - The Unicorn - OSTARA!

That is all.

Relationships / Sweeties:

[ If you're a reader and having trouble keeping the code named sweeties straight, look up above this entry and below the header. There's a link to a list of names/bio's there. - this is a work in progress, so if you're a sweetie and you don't see your name listed, don't worry, I'll get to you. ]

- Recent Encounters - Yeah, sorry… no dick for you today.

 - Updates on Favorites -

 - Blue Falcon - Nothing new to report.

 - Rain - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Potentials and Honorable Mentions:

 - The One Timers - Nothing new to report.

 - The Hopefuls - Nothing new to report.

 - Honorable Mentions - Nothing new to report.

Relationships / Former Sweeties:

 - Jasper - He was very helpful in getting a higher word count in my chapter six. But, other than that, things have been pretty quiet there too.

End Notes:

I guess it all just is what it is, you know?

I’m in a way better place today because that dream was incredibly helpful.

I really want to tell Bran about it.